Sideswipe

Who knew Foodtown, Sunnynook, had such a diverse product range?

Alex writes to Bob Clarkson: Like you, I consider myself a good Kiwi joker. As an extension of your recent comments, I would like to say I have nothing against balding, overweight men with ugly moustaches - so long as they remain behind closed doors, away from public view. I think I can speak on behalf of all gay men in that I doubt any of us will be "jamming anything down your throat" anyway - but I do appreciate your concern.

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An evangelist who tried replicating Jesus' miracle of walking on water has reportedly drowned off the western coast of Africa. Pastor Franck Kabele, 35, told his congregation he could repeat the biblical miracle, and set off from a beach in Gabon's capital of Libreville.

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Vets' slang from the UK and US: Acronyms used as a code between vet staff to diagnose your pet.

Agroceryosis - lack of groceries i.e. owner hasn't been feeding the animal.

BDLDLDL - Big Dog, Little Dog, Little Dog Lost (often chihuahuas trying to fight a german shepherd).

CFT - Chronic Food Toxicity i.e. obese.

CSTO - Cat Smarter Than Owner.

DIC - Dead In Cage or Death Is Coming (technically, it means Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation, which is just as lethal).

DSTO - Dog Smarter Than Owner.

HBC - Hit By Car.

PU - Paws Up (dead).

SBI - Something Bad Inside (undiagnosed cancer etc discovered during surgery).

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The Oklahoma Bomber was clean shaven.

A new poll in the US has found 60 per cent of respondents think authorities should single out people who look "Middle Eastern" for security screenings at train stations and airports. That could have been because the question was: In order to prevent terrorism at places like airports and subways, should authorities be able to single out people who look like they might be of Middle Eastern origin to search or question? With that reasoning Timothy McVeigh would never have been a suspect.

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Donald Trump has fired his Apprentice co-star Carolyn Kepcher because she was letting the fame go to her head. "She became a prima donna," said one insider. "Being on The Apprentice went to her head. She was no longer focused on business. She was giving speeches for $25,000 and doing endorsements. George has been around a long time. He's seen everything. He didn't get excited even when women on the street started screaming when they saw him on his way to work. But Carolyn took it very seriously. She thought she was a freaking movie star." (Source: The Superficial.com )

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A reader just got a TV for the bedroom, purchased, of course, from the supermarket. It has a warranty sticker on the screen, but you can't get it off without wrecking your screen or leaving a gummy mess. The only reason you would ever call the Progressive Enterprises hotline is because the service sticker has wrecked it. Oh, I called and got no answer. It's like they are on strike or something, says the frustrated new TV owner.