Sideswipe

There's a niche market for this album, that is, dog owners unhinged enough to (a) think their dog is gay and (b) think their gay dog needs affirming music

A reader from Papakura writes: "This week my wife's 85-year-old parents, still clinging tenuously to their independence, drove their car to the Glen Innes Countdown supermarket to buy some beer. They emerged from the market a long time later with only the beer in the trolley. As they passed a man standing by a car in the carpark he opened his car boot and said "here, grandpa, you can put it in there," a command my father-in-law meekly obeyed. With that, the man shut the boot and drove off, never to be seen again. Cheers, mate, hope you enjoyed it."

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Subscribers to Richard Worth's newsletter NewsWorthy were treated to an urban legend masquerading as fact last week. Under the headline Recent personal injury awards in the US part II, Worth (right), reproduced the following story ...

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door neighbour's dog. The beagle was on a chain in a fenced yard.

The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been a little provoked by Mr Williams, who had climbed over the fence in the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

Trouble is, this is a web wind-up that has been around for a decade. It is a total fabrication, and can be very easily discredited with a quick Google.

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Melinda Szymanik writes: "In response to the couch potato who is complaining how far Americans stretch the definition of sport. The Collins English Dictionary defines sport as '1. an individual or group activity pursued for exercise or pleasure, often involving the testing of physical capabilities and taking the form of a competitive game.' Okay, I guess some on that list were questionable, but naming cheerleading was like a red rag to a bull to me, as my daughters have spent the past three months putting in 8 to 12 hours a week of hard physical training to prepare for an international cheerleading competition in Australia ... They are fit and athletic, performing gymnastics as well as jumps, dance and stunt moves. It is an active, healthy pursuit, far more sporting than sitting on a couch watching television and arguing about what constitutes a sport."

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A teenager who had just finished her exams went to her careers adviser, who was teaching students how to write a CV to suit the career they wanted after they had finished further education. She asked the students to write down what their ideal job would be and why, and said she would show them next week how to write a CV. The aforementioned teenager wrote: "I want to be an international assassin as then I get to travel the world, the money is brilliant and I won't have to work very often." (Source: b3ta.com)

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Organisers of a British rock festival have been forced to change its circus theme after a number of ticket-holders told them they had a phobia about clowns. The Bestival event in September was to have encouraged festival-goers to dress up in curly red wigs and oversized shoes. But organisers feared thousands of clowns in one place could spark mass panic in the psychedelic atmosphere of the festival.