Sideswipe: Who are they kidding

A bold claim, but it would come in handy in a global fertility crisis. (Source: EatLiver.com)

Time to keep a low profile

A movie usher hands the customer the 3D glasses for his movie.

Customer: "So these are 3D glasses?"

Usher: "Yes sir!"

Customer (getting excited): "So, if I put them on and look at you, you'll be in 3D?"

Usher: "Sir, by definition, I'm already 3D."

Customer: "No. I mean, if I put on 3D glasses and look at you, or anything else, will you become 3D?"

Customer's girlfriend: "You're dumb. Stop talking."

(Source: Notalwaysright.com)

A degree of stupidity

A German student created a major traffic jam in Bavaria when he "mooned" a group of Hell's Angels, hurled a puppy at them and then escaped on a bulldozer. The 26-year-old stole the bulldozer from a nearby construction site and attempted to drive it to Munich. However, his snail-like pace caused a three-mile traffic jam. He then fled to his home nearby where he was apprehended by the police. (Orange.co.uk)

40 is the new 60, don't you know

Bar doesn't let in "oldies": "This last weekend I 'ran away with my husband' [to] Hamilton," writes Nikki. "Having been a student in Hamilton I was reminiscing about the times had at The Outback (the good the bad and the ugly) and we thought we'd go and have a peek - the doorman basically told us we were too old - 'student bar mate - have to have a student ID'. I'm 38, my husband 44, not exactly geriatric. We were neither drunk, aggressive or rough - the alleged reason the hen's party was denied."

Forgive me, Auckland - I love you

Lisa moved to Auckland from the Mainland five years ago. "I dreaded the move," she says. "I was warned that I wouldn't like Auckland and everyone was very stuck-up. But I found it was just the opposite! Then, two years ago, we moved to Blenheim. I was sad to leave Auckland but at the same time looking forward to being back in the South Island. But Blenheim is horrible - close-minded, snobby and some of the worst service I have ever had. So I am sorry for ever speaking ill of Auckland - it's a diverse, friendly, great place to be once you get past the travelling times."

Dram you, little pests

Mark Smith says the best way to get rid of ants is to use a saucer of whiskey and some sand. "The ants drink the whiskey, get pissed and then throw rocks at each other." Touche.

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Today's Video Webpick: Onlookers caught video footage of a cop punching a 17-year old woman in Seattle after a jaywalking incident. Incredibly, police bigwigs say the officer used the appropriate amount of force for the situation. What do you think? Go here.



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