KEY POINTS:
This sign was spotted by Stuart Houghton in the window of a butcher's shop in the town of Colac, Victoria.
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Sylvia Zlami came across a promotion for a new skin care product that you simply spray on whenever you need it. "First thing in the morning to hydrate and reawaken your skin, and help keep makeup in place all day. At night, it removes cleanser or soap residue." It also "removes chlorine, salty perspiration or impurities left on your skin". The product? Evian Facial Spray. Contents: Water. "Washing your face with water has never sounded more pompous or vacuous," says Sylvia. "Apropos, why not market a secondary benefit. After all, when the bottle is empty, it contains another vital health product; it oxygenates the brain."
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Journallive.co.uk has a great list of words that journalists use which they say "bears no resemblance to the way people speak in real life", including:
* Tot: Child aged anywhere between six months and three years. As in: "Tot's autopsy photos stir courtroom emotions" - the Philadelphia Star, January 25. As it is never said in real life: "What a nice tot you have"; "How old is your tot now?"
* Slammed: Criticised. As in: "Celtic boss Gordon Strachan has slammed the fees paid by English clubs for average players and claims it is spoiling the market." - Clubcall, January 22. As it is never said in real life: "That's a terrible decision. I slam it."
* Quizzed: Asked some questions. As in: "Man quizzed by murder detectives." BBC Online, January 2. As it would never be said in real life: "Sorry I'm late, dear - I was being quizzed by my boss over that report I wrote."
* Bungle: Make a mistake, especially of a council officer. As in: "Our taxes must not be wasted on exorbitant legal fees to put right yet another bureaucratic bungle." * Revellers: People who are having a drink in a pub/nightclub. As in: "A crime busting campaign that included giving condoms to Christmas revellers cut crime by 16 per cent."As it would never be said in real life: "Blimey, it's a bit packed in here. Shall we go somewhere where there are fewer revellers?"
* Fracas: A fight. As in: "Three men were arrested last week after a fracas that resulted in a police officer being arrested." - Foster's Daily Democrat, February 21. As it would never be said in real life: "Look over there - there's a fracas."
* Coffers: Bank account. As in: "The latest figures from the Office for National Statistics show tax receipts were brimming over at the public coffers in January." - Accountancy Age, February 19. As it would never be said in real life: "I'm going to pay that cheque into my coffers."
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Tim Holland writes: "In response to the sign that was snapped in Port Vila, 'PABLICK' is the correct spelling of the Bislama word meaning 'PUBLIC'. Bislama is an interesting mix of Pidgin French, English and the native tongue and there are many more interesting signs in Bislama around Port Vila ... such as 'You no makem faia' ('No Smoking') and 'You wantem ferry, you killem gong' ('To summon the ferry, hit this gong really, really hard')."
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A thief walked unnoticed out of a Norwegian aquarium carrying a crocodile at the weekend. "I think whoever did this knew what they were doing," said Bergen aquarium director Kees Oscar Ekeli. He suggested the young crocodile was smuggled out in a bag during the busiest hours on Saturday. The stolen reptile, named Taggen (Spike), is a 70cm long smooth-fronted caiman also known as Schneider's dwarf caiman (Paleosuchus Trigonatus). The aquarium has offered a reward of 25,000 Norwegian crowns ($6230).
Today's Webpick: Ripping a piece of paper sends this baby into fits of laughter enough to knock him over. Watch it here.
These are the very best online videos from Ana's online magazine Spare Room.
