KEY POINTS:
After hearing that The Woman in Black was coming, Aucklander Phil Howard booked tickets. "We had seen the performance in London, and thought it was a truly brilliant piece of suspense and horror," he explains. "However, we did not realise the horror that was to come. Having taken our seats two people sat down beside us just before curtain-up, and proceeded to unwrap garlic bread and pickled onions from their bags. The shock and horror generated by the actors' superb performance was amplified by the horror of the constant farting of the two pickled-onion eaters, the stench of which could only be described as truly horrific. To the two eaters - thanks a lot for teaching me the true meaning of horror."
* * *
Paris Hilton has been offered the second-highest speaking fee in the world (the highest was Donald Trump). Hilton will pocket US$1 million to speak at the Real Estate and Wealth Expos for an hour on "How to Build Your Brand". Celebrity website The Superficial reckons the speaking engagement will go something like this ... "She's going to go up on stage for 30 seconds and list her keys to success: Be born into a wealthy family, have a famous name, act slutty, and let people tape you having sex." Then during question-and-answer-time people will ask her business questions and she'll respond, "I didn't really understand that. Want me to take my top off?"
* * *
Kilt-wearers could face prosecution if they do not have a licence for their sporran under new legislation in Scotland. The law is designed to protect endangered species like badgers and otters, whose fur used to be favoured by sporran-makers, reports the BBC. Applicants must prove the animal was killed lawfully before they can get a licence. The legislation applies to animals killed after 1994.
* * *
A reader from Westmere writes: "It couldn't last. Auckland City has always been legendary for its switchboard etiquette. A real person answered within two rings and stayed on the line until you had reached the person or obtained the information you needed. Now they have an automated switchboard, bad muzak and - for me yesterday - a two minute, 31 second wait for a real person. That's progress for you."
