KEY POINTS:
In some corners of the world the wrinkly rockers are considered a danger to people other than themselves.
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Tony Baker of Hamilton swears this is a true story: "A home owner was fitting a magnetic cat door and a magnetic collar for the new pet kitten - to allow only their cat to use the door. Handyman husband was bewildered when he lost track of nuts and screws. He later found them attached to the kitty collar and the kitten was found stuck to the fridge with its legs frantically running but going nowhere."
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The winners of San Jose State University's 2008 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, for the opening sentence that's so bad it's good, have been announced. Here are some of the winners.
"Bill swore the affair had ended, but Louise knew he was lying, after discovering Tupperware containers under the seat of his car, which were not the off-brand containers that she bought to save money, but authentic, burpable, lidded Tupperware; and she knew he would see that woman again, because unlike the flimsy, fake containers that should always be recycled responsibly, real Tupperware must be returned to its rightful owner." (by Jeanne Villa)
"'Hmm,' thought Abigail as she gazed languidly from the veranda past the bright white patio to the cerulean sea beyond, where dolphins played and seagulls sang, where splashing surf sounded like the tintinnabulation of a thousand tiny bells, where great gray whales bellowed and the sunlight sparkled off the myriad of sequins on the flyfish's bow ties, 'time to get my meds checked'." (by Andrew Bowers).
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Helen Morgan can't believe the AA wouldn't help her husband with his breakdown, even though he explained that (a) she was a member and (b) he was en route to the Starship hospital with a sick child. "First they denied my membership and caringly gave my husband the number of a tow truck company. After waiting for the truck in the dark (not even the hazard lights were going), my husband then had to carry our ill son the rest of the way to hospital. When challenged the next day, the AA admitted they had made the mistake and that my membership was valid, then said that since I was on the phone anyway, would I like to add my husband to my membership? A sales opportunity straight from an episode of The Office."
Today's Webpick: Cross-dressing gymnast Paul Hunt does an supremely entertaining floor routine, as Paulette Huntsanova (circa 1988).
Watch it here. Scroll down.
These are the very best online videos from Ana's online magazine Spare Room.
