KEY POINTS:
A reader writes: "On Friday 13 I was parked in Birdwood Cres, Parnell, talking to a friend. At 10.45am a large white limousine swept up and parked, angled across the road. Out hopped a large lady driver who opened the rear left door and returned to stand at attention by the driver's door. No one was in the rear of the car but a large collection of dry cleaning or clothing purchases were hanging on the rear hook. Immediately afterwards another large silver car screeched to a halt at an even worse traffic-blocking angle behind the limo and out charged two dark-suited and sunglassed young men. One raced to station himself by the opened rear door of the limo and the other ran over and positioned himself by the entrance to Jane Daniels - an upmarket purveyor of ladies' frocks. A serious shopping expedition was under way by someone who thought themselves very important. I wanted to leave, but was totally blocked by this VIP gathering. The men in dark glasses ignored my protestations until suddenly, from the frock shop, emerged our fearless leader Helen with no parcels but dressed in her signatory red and black. She swanned into the limo, which was still blocking the street, and after both cars executed a series of complicated, rapid reverse manoeuvres, raced off. I know we are no longer allowed to make fun of our politicians but this was ridiculous. Who the hell does she think she is?"
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In the fine print of an online auction the seller spells out why she prefers people to pick up the goods rather than posting them out. "If you must have it posted, this is how it is done. I take everything out of the large box and find a smaller box to put it in. I find the masking tape. I find a pen. It doesn't work, of course. I spend half-an-hour finding another one. My 4-year-old son has now used the masking tape to wrap up a pot plant. I go to the store to buy more masking tape. My daughter has since borrowed the one marker and it no longer works. I print a label off the printer. I bundle all five of my children into the van, with the parcel, and then spend 25 minutes looking for my keys. And reassembling everyone in my car, we drive to the post office. I get everyone out of the car again. We wait in a queue with five children. The queue is 23 people long. My 4-year-old wants an ice block. My 6-year-old wants the stickers. I charge $25 for postage and now you know why."
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A website urging now clean-shaven All Black Carl Hayman to regrow his beard is gathering momentum, with claims it will be vital to New Zealand's World Cup success. "The All Blacks have yet to reach the giddy heights of greatness that they achieved when his face was adorned with a metric ton of steel-wool, the fans implore. Few things in this world send fear coursing through a man's veins, or make women weak at the knees, like Carl Hayman's wondrous beard." Vote for Hayman's beard at haymansbeard.blogspot.com.
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Finally: "To all those drivers who passed a white 4WD and float at the Mt Wellington offramp on Sunday morning, the lady holding the horse and trying to change the tyre would just like to say a huge thanks to everyone who not only didn't bother to stop but didn't consider slowing down, either. Definitely shakes my faith in Aucklanders."
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