A frustrated dad sold his family trampoline for $1 after a series of expensive mishaps. He explains in his Trade Me listing: "If I had a chainsaw, I would hack it into small pieces on a stormy night while cackling like a maniac ...
I got it for free from a neighbour, and thought, 'Bargain' ... Little did I know that it would end up costing me $742.
Incident 1: Tandem jumping collision. One kid jumped up, other was coming down, downward one's front teeth went into the head of the upwards one. Tears, blood, cracked teeth ... Result - $48 at A& E (kid number one's head), $84 at dentist (kid number two's teeth), $24 painkillers.
Incident 2: Son sneaks out at 8pm for sneaky jump. Can't see edge, falls off into tree stump ... Result - $72 x-rays, $48 at A&E.
Incident 3: Two kids decide to throw stones on to neighbour's roofs while jumping. Smash one neighbour's leadlight window. Old lady with the wobbly head next door thinks tapping on roof is demon/lava/dead husband/Jesus/Santa in May. She 'comes over all queer' (that's what she told me, hatefully, may I add) and rings ambulance in case she's dying/possessed. Ambulance man tells me off. Result: Leadlight, $140; ambulance, $90; flowers for wobbly head lady, $38; flowers for leadlight lady, $38.
Incident 4: After just four weeks, I decide to kill trampoline. Try to dismantle its springs. Trap finger. I'm sure I heard trampoline chuckle. Result: $58 A&E, $78 x-ray, $24 wine and painkillers."
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Graham of Birkenhead says he found a yacht rudder floating in Auckland harbour near the Devonport Naval base on Tuesday.
The rudder was heavy and sharp enough to damage any boat that might have run into it. If the owner wants it back, the Westhaven custodian is looking after it now, he says.
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Kiwi One-Liners:
Where's the butter? In the butter conditioner, where it should be.
I'm an utter peanut butter nutter (from Sanitarium).
I love mum because she brings home the bacon.
I'm Vince Martin and this is a blunt axe ...
Maaarvellous (TV3's John Campbell).
You'll always be a Kiwi, if you love our Wattie's sauce (sauce ad).
Thousands of luminous spheres (Suzanne Paul on Natural Glow).
An orchestrated litany of lies (Justice Peter Mahon, Erebus Royal Commission of Inquiry).
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After more than seven years collecting your wonderful stories and pictures, I'm working on a book of Sideswipe's best bits. The best stories have all been selected, but if you have ever had a picture published in the column and would like it considered for the book, please email me with a description of the photo you submitted.
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View today's Herald cartoon
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Today's Webpick: Dog bites what? Watch it here.
These are the very best online videos from Ana's online magazine Spare Room.
