KEY POINTS:
Wish cars would run on beer.
* * *
Melanie regrets her decision to try to catch a train. Here's why:
7.25. Rush out the door.
7.30. Get to New Lynn railway station in time to catch the 7.32 train.
7.45. An empty train goes sailing past - not stopping to pick anyone up. No announcements. No one says anything.
7.50. Train stops going the other way. Conductors say nothing. Platform is packed.
7.55. Very full train comes through and stops. Conductors say nothing. Some people fit on. Remainder left on the packed platform.
8.05. Not sure what to do, so head back to the car.
8.07. Reach the car in time to see (and miss) another train come through. Wish we had known it was coming.
8.10. Get into the car and join the throng of traffic on the roads, feeling mightily stupid to have bothered catching public transport. Realise it took 45 minutes just to get out of New Lynn.
* * *
Susan was in a supermarket and asked at the Deli counter what the difference was between pickled pork and ham. "The answer ? 'One is made from pork and the other from ham.' She seemed quite stunned when I pointed out that both are made from pigs."
* * *
Chris from Tokoroa writes: "When living in Australia my husband and I were friends with a young couple. The wife was a preschool teacher and one night we were playing Trivial Pursuit. Her question was, 'Who was the King of Swing?' Her answer? Tarzan."
* * *
Buying an icecream in a takeaway in Gympie, Queensland, Warren Potter noticed the Peach Melba looked awfully red, more like boysenberry icecream. "Wondering if they had mislabelled it, I asked the very blonde young lady behind the counter why the peach was so red. 'I dunno,' she replied, 'maybe it's the Melba'."
* * *
Most annoying office habits:
Office drummers: People who tap-tap-tap on their desk like it's a drum kit.
Foghorn phone voice: Like when the ads come on louder than the programme, these people with normal-volume voices take it up a notch when they pick up the receiver.
Pod pong (also known as elevator pong): When the liberal spraying of one's favourite fragrance is inflicted on anyone within a five-metre radius. You've gotta wonder, what are they trying to hide?
Loud keyboard users: Similar to foghorn phone voice, but with their keyboard. Never heard of touch-typing and think they're on a 1920s typewriter.
Germ carriers: Those who come to work to spread their plague.
In-house fish eaters: Last night's fish pie may have been delicious, but put it in the open-plan office's microwave for five minutes and you'll change your tune.
The sweaters: The environmentally conscious who cycle to work from Titirangi in their shirt and tie and those who, on a day the air con has broken, also have run out of roll-on.
* * *
Today's Webpick: A terrific clip showing the evolution of the cell phone, from brick to iPhone. Did you know the original clamshell handset was inspired by Star Trek? Makes sense really. Watch it here.
These are the very best online videos from Ana's online magazine Spare Room.
