KEY POINTS:
Mental Floss magazine has a list of weird sentences that have been handed down to petty criminals.
* A woman who abandoned 35 kittens in a forest was told to spend a night in the woods.
* A man guilty of playing his car stereo too loudly was ordered to sit in the woods to appreciate silence.
* Two teenagers who scrawled 666 on a nativity figure of Jesus had to lead a donkey through the streets, with a sign saying "Sorry for the jackass offence".
* A Californian purse snatcher known for his stealth was ordered to wear tap shoes in public.
* Teenagers who flattened school bus tyres were made to host a picnic for primary school children.
* A teenager was ordered to sit blindfolded outside the store from which he had stolen pornographic videos, holding a sign that said "See no evil".
* A man who called a cop a pig was forced to stand on a street corner with a pig, wearing a sign that said "This is not a police officer".
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IAN WISHART is convinced the Prime Minister wants to kill him, based on this exchange between Clark and Newstalk ZB's Farming Show host Jamie Mackay.
PRESENTER: I wonder what would happen if Mr Wishart was burgled or assaulted, who would he be first on the phone to?
CLARK: Oh he would be bleating to the police, you know, the same people whose reputation he's trying to destroy.
PRESENTER: Well let's just hope the 111 lines are clogged.
CLARK: Might be death to him.
PRESENTER: Righty-oh, Helen Clark thanks for your time.
So is this the spin of a feminist-communist-government conspiracy theorist - or should the Prime Minster just try to avoid using words like "cancerous" or joke publicly and gleefully about someone dying?
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BODYBUILDERS who want to look like Popeye can do so by injecting a synthetic oil into their muscles. According to the Times Online, the substance is a mixture of triglyceride oils and benzyl alcohol and binds with the muscle fibres creating a freakish, bloated appearance. But recipients of the injections can end up with arms larger than their legs and risk a pulmonary embolism. Because the substance was originally intended as a form of posing oil for bodybuilders there is no legislation covering its use.
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A HOTEL chain is providing a "fish and tips" service to help relax guests. Travelodge is providing a therapy room where guests can watch goldfish before going to bed. In the room, guests will be given a factsheet regarding the welfare of the fish and tips on how to get a good night's sleep. The initiative follows a recent Travelodge survey which showed that 63 per cent of people were losing sleep because of stress and that 58 per cent thought watching goldfish could help them. The free goldfish service is being introduced with help from the RSPCA and tested in Vicar Lane, Leeds, and Fort Dunlop in Birmingham. Animal psychologist Dr Roger Mugford said: "It's a well-known fact that watching fish can have a positive impact on human emotions - especially when feeling tense. This is why you often see aquariums in dentists and doctors' surgeries."
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A READER writes: "I was born and raised in Morrinsville. We had a barber named Hector Firkin who in the 50s had a sign in the window that read 'Get yourself a Firkin haircut'. The council made him take it down, but we all thought it very funny and clever."
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A READER responds to the issue of fat Harry Potter characters. "The difference is the age. Older characters who are fat are seen as being warm, cuddly and friendly. A bit like Santa Claus. However young porkers are portrayed as mean, smug, greedy and spiteful."
