Sideswipe: Sweet revenge

The insurance company will be delighted. (Source: failblog.org)

No appetite for pain

A staff member at a top British restaurant has been arrested after a chef alleges he was assaulted while at work. He claimed he was beaten with a rolling pin, had his trousers set on fire with a blow torch, had red-hot pans pressed on his arms and says he was stung on the back of his neck with nettles while making a nettle risotto. He alleges he saw another chef being held by his legs from high up and with his head being dunked in a vat of lukewarm broccoli and Stilton soup which was later served to guests at the Star Inn at Harome, North Yorkshire. Police have arrested a man at the centre of the allegations but he was later released on bail pending further inquiries.

Britain's next top muddle

Conversation at a polling booth in Britain: (A young girl, a first-time voter rushes up to my table.)

Voter: "I need to get my ballot paper back. I voted for the wrong person!"

Me: "Alright, give me the spoiled one."

Voter: "I can't. I put it in the box."

Me: "Then I'm afraid we can't get it back. The boxes can't be opened until the end of voting at 10 o'clock."

Voter: "But I didn't know! I don't want the Conservatives to get in so I voted for [Conservative candidate]. I should have voted for someone else!"

Me: "Um, why did you vote for the Conservative?"

(The girl turns scarlet and looks utterly miserable.)

Voter: "I thought it was like TV where you vote them off!"

(Source: notalwaysright.com)

Long-range attack on Auckland

Arie is gobsmacked at some people's attitudes towards Aucklanders. "More often than not all this Auckland-bagging turns out to be nothing more than a stubborn (often indoctrinated) bad habit. A relative of mine, a staunch Otago man, never missed an opportunity to lambast Auckland whenever I paid a visit. There was nothing good about the place - it was ugly, crowded, crime-ridden and blatantly using all its corrupt and poorly organised resources for nought but stealing taxpayer money from the honest hard-working citizens of the rest of New Zealand. One of the last times I saw him he had just finished firing off another volley of Auckland-bound vitriol when he leaned across to me and quietly asked: 'What's it actually like, Auckland? Is it like Sydney?"'

Mis-caken identity

Colleen writes regarding yesterday's picture of the Alzheimer's lamingtons. "Your correspondent conveniently missed the rest of the sign which stated that a donation was made to the Alzheimer's Foundation for each pack of lamingtons sold."