KEY POINTS:
Serious rugby fans are advised to stop reading here. The rest of you can enjoy SideSwipe's pick of the week's best jokes - visual and traditional - on our great national disaster.
Q. What do you do for a drowning New Zealand rugby player?
A. Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway.
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Did you hear about the politician who was found dead in an All Black jersey?
The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.
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Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered."
The second surgeon says: "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The third surgeon: "Try electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded."
The fourth one says: "I prefer New Zealand rugby players. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and bums are interchangeable."
On behalf of all New Zealanders, SideSwipe would like to thank our many friends in England and South Africa for supplying so much of the above material. Meanwhile, in other news ...
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A reader sent in this email exchange between a Sydney property manager and her four male tenants.
The property manager, Tina, writes: "During the last inspection it came to the owners' attention that there are more than four people living in the property. Please advise/confirm as the owner has requested this information urgently. As there are only four people on the lease and the applications were approved on this basis we must ask that the tenants (not currently listed on the lease) fill out and submit application forms immediately."
Tenant Dick replies, on behalf of Thomas, Simon and Harry: "There are definitely not more than four people living in the house and never have been. As you know Tina, we are four single young men making every day count. We feel we are at the peak of our powers right now and sometimes this involves us flexing it a little on the Sydney social circuit. I don't proclaim to be a rock star but I am not a homebody either - my fellow housemates will attest to this and I will attest to them in the same vein. Some things transcend from heightened social stamina and one of those, Tina, is overnight guests. I think we both know what we're talking about. So it seems we may simply be caught up on a definitional point. We only have four people living at ********* but we do have guests quite regularly. Harry has more guests than Simon, for example, but Simon's standards are higher - that's neither here nor there. We work hard and we play hard, Tina, and unfortunately the play spills over a little but this does not constitute a breach of lease. All in all I think we are excellent tenants and hold the premises in high regard. Please put this on the file. Dick."
