Not only has there been no respite from "Nanny State" under the National Government, but "Nanny Private Enterprise" seems to be asserting herself more than usual," declares John. "Yesterday instructions on a packet of jellybeans said I was only allowed to eat half of them at the time - the rest would have to wait for some unspecified time in the future. Because there were 25 jellybeans in the packet the instruction meant that I had to cut one of the beans in half. Anyone who has ever attempted to cut a small Australian jellybean in half with the serrated edge of an unsterilised desktop Sellotape dispenser will know that this task poses a significantly greater danger to health than eating 25 jellybeans at a single sitting."
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Specimen test and lack of discretion: "Traumatised enough about the whole process, I went to Labtests to hand the specimen over. To my horror the waiting room was packed and I wondered how I would hand it over. I froze when the nurse at the front desk loudly said: "Oh, a stool test!" She then did the unimaginable and took the specimen out of the bag and waved it in the air, saying she was just making sure details written on the jar were correct. Bright red with embarrassment that my stool was on show, I calmly turned around and ran out the door. It seems Labtests needs to brush up on their sensitivity."
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Punny Real Business Names (The final instalment):
* A Pt Chevalier builder, part-time angler called The Fishin' Chippie.
* The bondage and discipline parlour called The Whine Cellar.
* Funeral director in Bombay: Drop in when dead.
* Peace A Pizza (pizza franchise in the States).
* Know Knew Books (used book store in California).
* Boxwell Brothers (funeral directors in Texas).
* A Waikato company which empties septic tanks called Underground Takeawayst.
* A wool shop in Hastings called Get Fleeced.
* A dry cleaner in Avondale's Rosebank Rd called Dirty Business.
* A boat named Gin and Beer it.
* A cycle shop in Golden Bay called The Quiet Revolution.
* An arborist in Whakatane called The Tree Fella.
* A glazier's van in Auckland with "Give us a break" written on its rear door.
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For the many readers who wrote in with their fingers tut-tutting at Lance, who took the picture of the texting, jandal-wearing motorcyclist in yesterday's Sideswipe, he assures us the photo was taken by a passenger.
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See today's Herald cartoon
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Today's Webpick: This must be a tad annoying for a soccer player. Go here and check out this impossible corner kick.
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