Sideswipe: Mixed message muffin

Ray Burns is struggling to understand the use of vegetarian pastry for these organic beef pies. Photo / Supplied

Out and about in Whangaparaoa, Esma Grant was driving slowly towards a roundabout with a pedestrian crossing nearby. "As I approached it I noticed a seagull moving across the footpath. I slowly moved across the crossing and when I passed over I looked in the mirror and there was the seagull walking across the crossing. I had a good laugh at him/her and thought that its Mum had taught that seagull the rules of the road very well and I wondered if I had stopped would it have crossed in front of me."

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Further to the story about the gym ad claiming aliens eat the fatties first, Sarah writes: "When I was a child my mother told me a shark would swim through a crowded sea to get to the fattest child in the water. I was a chubby kid and I pretty much never went in the sea again, and still don't!"

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A woman doing a survey at Whatipu asked me if I was aware this was a "NO DOG area", writes Nova. "I replied that I hadn't had a chance to get out of the car and read any signs yet. I found the no dog sign but then 50m down the track was a pest control sign saying there were traps in the area and advising owners to keep pets on a lead? What gives?"

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Mark Dromgoole writes: "While my father was visiting from the US, we took a stroll along a busy Takapuna beach. The tide was out, providing for a very wide and long stretch of beach. As we started our walk, my father placed his eye glasses in his shirt pocket. We wandered along the length of the beach and back, a good hour's return journey. As we ended our walk my father came across a pair of very familiar eye glasses lying in the sand."

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More Best Words of the Decade:

Swoop and squat (Washington) to drive and pull in front of another vehicle and slam on the brakes, deliberately causing an accident to collect the insurance money.

Doughnuting (UK) a carefully created seating plan which places an ideal group of MPs (women, photogenic, ethnic minority etc) around a leader for the ideal television shot.

Chair plug (2006) someone who sits in a meeting but contributes nothing.

Ant hill family (UK) the trend whereby children move back in with their parents so that all work together towards group financial goals.

Flashpackers (Australia) intrepid, but comfortably off travellers (The Guardian.co.uk)

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Margaret thinks the most irritating piece of technology she's come across was the talking toilet in the departure lounge at Auckland Airport. "This friendly toilet said something like, 'please leave the door slightly open when you leave. Thank you. Please come again.' I was surprised it didn't offer any comments on toilet paper usage or instructions on the best way to wash your hands!"