Sideswipe: Keeping it in the family

The recession is hitting everyone in different ways, according to the BBC magazine Monitor. Rapper 50 Cent says in the Telegraph it's mostly affecting his jewellery box: "I buy diamonds on a very regular basis, but now I am selling my old stuff before I get something new. These are times when you learn about the value of money."

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In his blog, How to Write Badly Well, Joel Stickley insists you must write thinly-veiled, self-aggrandising autobiographical fiction, describe every character in minute detail and giving this passage as an example, always use a thesaurus: "She manipulated the garment in a cogitative mode. 'Hmm,' she vocalised. 'This attire is verifiably marvelous. What is it constituted from?' 'From the most meritorious velveteen,' defined her interlocutor, simpering coincidentally. 'Is it?' iterated the party of the first part. 'That's felicitous.' 'Additionally, this specified object has the property of being subdivided in terms of its defining mercantile characteristic, and can be taken possession of for the diminutive quantity of merely a half-dozen currency units,' the retail employee informed. 'Exoneration?' supplicated the protagonist appropriately. The commercial tertiary sector worker eyeballed her perspicaciously. 'I said it's five ninety-nine. Do you want it or not?'


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Those two Northwest Airlines pilots who overshot their destination because they were on their laptops have made it into the Urban Dictionary. Northwest Nap, defined as: "A very deep sleep where you are unable to hear telephones, text messages, and even the Air Force."

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A reader writes: "On Monday I was walking along Westhaven Drive and found a car key. It may have been dropped by a marathon runner. If you lost a key to a 4WD, call Howard on 021723311."

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The best contribution to the column this week will win a copy of Sideswipe: The Book. Winners will be announced on Monday.

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View today's Herald cartoon

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Today's Webpick: New in advertising tricks - attaching banner ads to flies. Go here.

Follow Ana Samways on Twitter here.