Sideswipe: Extra-large serving

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Someone with excellent intestinal fortitude may like the "Mr Creosote's Sauce Dispenser". Mr Creosote is the fat man - played by Terry Jones - in the Monty Python Meaning of Life movie who keeps eating and vomiting until he explodes.

Time crime ...

A recording of an emergency call reporting milk being sold after its expiry date has been released by Manchester police as part of an appeal to ring operators only in emergencies. In the 48-second call a man complains that a shop is selling "expired milk" which staff won't remove from the shelves. He says: "I'm in a store and the goods they've got here, they won't take them off the rack. There's expired milk and I've asked him [the shopkeeper] to take it off the shelf." When the operator asks why he has called the man replies: "He doesn't want to comply, that's why I want to involve the police."

... Bike crime

Bruce R. Anderson of Glendowie writes: "In 1938, my father who was recovering from the Depression made me a pushbike from parts found at the rubbish tip. It lasted me for years. This is why it made me cringe to see the lad riding in the salt water and sand at Hahei Beach. This expensive bike with its fancy gears and suspension will now be effectively ruined.

Your good deeds ...

Mike writes: "To the person that found the Westfield vouchers and then sat back to wait for their karmic rewards ... it doesn't work like that, sorry. Karma knows if you do good things in the expectation of a reward, and deliberately stuffs up your day. Didn't you know that virtue is its own reward?"

... Our good deeds

Sideswipe's holiday lost-and-found service:

* A reader found a Maori design greenstone pendant in the Kingsland/Western Springs area on Christmas Eve. Phone (09) 846-4552.
* Des found a key and electronic fob for a Harley-Davidson on Gt South Road, Greenlane. " If this is your key can you get hold of me through Sideswipe."
* Catherine lives in Devonport and on Wednesday she gave a lift to a young overseas couple rushing to the 3pm ferry. She later found a laptop left in her car. Call (021) 156-2262 or email kraken@xtra.co.nz .