"The recession has hit everywhere," says Matt. "Our local grocery store is now processing mice as opposed to mince!"
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Adam's hairdresser in Tauranga told him about overhearing one of his apprentices while she was cutting the hair of a gent with obvious balding: "Are you busy?" he asked. "Yes, very," she replied. "So, hair still grows in a recession?" "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, "but when the follicle has been destroyed, the hair can never regrow..."
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Patrons and bar staff got sunstroke inside a pub in Buckie, Banffshire, Scotland, after the manager accidentally put in bulbs from a tanning bed. Manager Emma McLean replaced the blue strip lights behind the bar with high-powered ultraviolet tubes. The unsuspecting punters stood underneath the lights for hours and some needed hospital treatment. Barman Morgan Smith suffered severe burns to his neck. Nobody could believe he got sunstroke from standing behind a bar. The lamps are only supposed to be used for a few minutes at a time. No one had any idea they were being cooked until staff began to complain of dizziness. Some customers also suffered burns in the incident. It's understood the owners of the bar could be facing legal action.
(Source: TheDailyRecord.co.uk)
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Last week in Sideswipe there was quite a discussion about parking on yellow lines; most readers thought it was an appalling character flaw to dally on the golden line for your own convenience and particularly offensive when done while picking up kids from schools. But as Murray Hutton notes, if the official school buses can't heed the rules, should we really expect the parents to? "Yellow no-stopping lines don't mean a thing to buses, they park on them every day blocking the corner in a very dangerous position, causing cars to go around the corner on the wrong side of the road at St Johns School in Mairangi Bay. Obviously buses have their own road rules."
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Jeff claims: "If the tree [on] the grass verge outside your house has died over the summer or disappeared for other reasons the Auckland City Council will replace it for free! They did this for me!"
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Why are novelty maternity T-shirts so crass? The attention-starved sometimes even feel it necessary to get their latest ultrasound images printed on a T-shirt. Equally tacky fat apologist shirts are common ("I'm a lot cuter when I'm not fat", "Does this baby make me look fat?"), as are ones that play on hormonal cliches ("Hello my name is Miss Cranky Pants"). Then there's the supremely judgmental "Epidurals are for sissies". But nothing screams tasteless more than having "I doubt this is the threesome husbands have in mind" or "Dingo Bait" splayed across a pregnant belly.
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See today's Herald cartoon
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Today's Webpick: What if God disappeared? Click here. Plus, the Blood Bath, Bath Mat and other unusual bits for the home. Check them out here.
These are the very best online videos from Ana's online magazine Spare Room.
