Sideswipe: Deadly serious

"I just can't wait till I'm 60," declares Daniel after spotting this story in the Taupo Times.

Fishy telephone exchange

Bryan had a lucky escape when he phoned his local Chinese takeaway, ordering two pieces of tarakihi and enough chips for two hungry people. Luckily, the woman on the other end of the phone decided to check the order: "So that's two pieces of tarakihi and chips for 200 people?"

Bonding over two birds

How actor Michael Caine met actor Sean Connery, from his memoir The Elephant to Hollywood: "I'd met Sean in London back in the late 1950s at what was then called a bottle party. If someone was giving a party in those days and couldn't quite afford it the invitation would be, 'Bring a bottle and a bird'. I was broke, so I couldn't afford to bring a bottle, so I brought two birds. And they were very beautiful girls. [Sean] saw me with those two girls and I became his instant new best friend."

No such thing as free lunch

As the hairy Hobbit feet of Warner Bros tramp all over New Zealand industrial relations, strike action is said to be brewing at Radio Live over a few sandwiches, says an informant. "Free Lunch Friday, which has been an institution at the station since its inception five years ago, is to be given the chop. Broadcaster Willie Jackson has issued a 28-day strike notice to management over what one employee calls a 'Treaty' issue."

Misbehaving matriarch

Sara Smyth says it's not always the teens who need to learn a few bus manners: "I was on a crowded Wellington bus last week when an older woman got on. A shy-looking young man in Wellington College uniform stood up and gestured for her to sit in his seat. In a loud and stern voice she said: 'Sit down and don't patronise me' ... it made me angry and disappointed to see this young man's confidence knocked so dramatically."

Hearing aids found

Peter writes: "Reading your Sideswipe column this morning, I was delighted to read about the found hearing aids. That owner is me! I had been to a party at the Colombine Bar and finding it a bit noisy, had taken them out. I would like to express my sincere thanks to all involved in their return."

Today's Webpick: A woman who appeared in this erectile dysfunction ad in Australia has been kicked out of her church...Go here.

Follow Ana Samways on Twitter.