KEY POINTS:
We wish you an ironic Christmas. US Clothing shop Urban Outfitters are offering what they call "dark humour items" as tree decorations. There are devil sock monkeys and light-up skull ornaments, a handle of beer and a hand gun in their catalogue.
However, the humour was lost on advocacy spokes-folk. Darryl Coates, executive director of the Philadelphia Anti-Drug-Anti-Violence Network, said: "Once again, you see someone trying to profit off of the violent nature of our society."
Coates' own fund-raising ornament features a city skyline and doves, and says: "In the spirit of peace, in your home, in your neighbourhood, in your city."
And at a site called War Games Supply Dump you can pick up almost any traditional Christmas figurine, packing a weapon.
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Anatomy of bad gift givers:
1 Procrastinators: Procrastinators are the people (mostly men) who make a mad dash to Sylvia Park/St Lukes on Christmas Eve. Once inside, they find the best stuff has been picked over by the non-procrastinators who bought earlier in the month. Rash and often regrettable gift decisions are made as procrastinators scurry in desperation from store to store.
2 Homemade Gift Giver: Homemade gifts have the potential to be the most thoughtful and touching of all gifts, if done properly. Keep in mind that just because you are thoughtful, it doesn't make you artistically talented. Think: "Would I display this in my house" before wrapping.
3 Re-Gifters: Tightwads are known to fall into the re-gifting trap. More often than not, the gift you didn't find any use for is equally useless to your intended recipient. Use only for comic relief.
4 Givers Of Self-Improvement: Even if your heart is in the right place, the gift of a diet book or hair removal system can only end badly.
5 Clueless Dads: Most teens will say their dads fits this description. Clueless dads typically have their wives do most of the shopping, but feel compelled to make a quick trip of their own to add a personal touch. This person is likely to make one stop to the chemist to pick gift pack of smellies for each person on his list.
6 Ultra-Conservatives: Gift givers of this type refuse to go out on a limb and risk the chance of giving something the receiver can't use. Look for them during the holidays in the areas of the store that sell socks - or pocket umbrellas.
7 Over-The-Top Givers: Most families have one. Despite setting a spending limit for gifts, there is always one person who ends up going overboard. It's a little uncomfortable for the rest of the family who kept to the limit because it makes them seem somehow less generous.
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Santa gets cheesed off yet again and cancels Christmas for the umpteenth time. In The Year Without a Santa Claus, Santa refuses to deliver gifts when he feels unappreciated by the children of the world. In 'Twas the Night Before Christmas Santa refuses to deliver gifts when he feels slighted by a letter written by a mouse. This time Santa's hair-trigger temperament is set off when he has to find about a dear friend's engagement through another source, making him wonder why he even bothers trying to get close to people. Plus, he thinks he's fat. Soon he's scrapping all flight plans, setting his elfin employees adrift on ice floes and burning his entire factory down (with several anthropomorphic toys still inside). And once more a determined band of misfits and towheaded tots must go out of their way and beyond their means to butter up the big man and show Santa what the holidays are truly all about: Regret and recrimination. (Source: drinkatwork.com)
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Ross Jamieson's granddaughter, aged "... nearly 6" as she would put it (important that) informed her grandad that church is spelled with a "t". "Nonsense", corrects granddad, "it's spelled c-h-u-r-c-h."
"No grandad, it's spelled with a 't'."
"How do you get that, lass," he asked.
"Just look at them granddad, they've all got a huge 't' on the front!"
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Two leftists in Italy's ruling coalition outraged fellow lawmakers by putting four dolls representing homosexual couples near the baby Jesus in the official nativity scene in Parliament. The politicians said their gesture was to promote the legalisation of gay marriage and granting legal recognition to unmarried couples. They placed the Barbie and Ken-type dolls in the scene, lying down embracing among the shepherds witnessing the birth of Jesus. Parliamentary ushers removed the dolls within minutes. (Source: Reuters)
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Bill Taylor writes: "One of my colleagues was persuaded to dress up as Father Christmas for his granddaughter's kindergarten party. His older grandson, who had just started school, was also present as he had attended earlier in the year. My colleague was concerned his grandchildren would recognise him so he made sure his fake beard and moustache covered most of his face and he deepened his voice. The children did not seem to notice at all and in hushed tones, each whispered into his ear what they wanted for Christmas as they sat on his knee. Granddad even turned up after Santa left for a drink and some nibbles and still the children didn't click. But something had registered, as the 5-year-old asked his mother as they left the party: "Mum. Why did Santa Claus have grandad's eyes?"
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Christmas Superstitions
1 The Fire Service might have something to say about this one: Christmas candles should be left burning until Christmas morning and should rest undisturbed from time of lighting until they are snuffed.
2 Not applicable, thankfully, to a southern hemisphere summer Christmas: Look to the shadows cast by those gathered around the fire on Christmas night. If any of the shadows appears to lack a head that person will die within the year.
3 As many mince pies as you sample at different houses during the festive season, so you will have happy months in the year to come. Mince pies must not be cut, however, lest you cut your luck. None must be eaten before Christmas Eve nor after Twelfth Night.
4 When making Christmas pudding, drop in a silver coin, a thimble, and a ring. Whoever is served the coin finds luck, whoever retrieves the thimble will have prosperity, and whoever comes up with the ring hastens a wedding in the family.
5 Particularly good fortune will attach to the household if the first visitor on Christmas happens to be a dark-haired man. The arrival of a red-haired man is a bad omen, and it's utter catastrophe if the first to set foot is a woman.
(Source: oldsuperstitions.com)
