Tony Baker of Hamilton says he is "fairly old" and last weekend at a wedding in Christchurch he wasn't having too much success with the camera. "That was because I had failed to remove the lens cap. And an unsympathetic niece remarked for all to hear, 'it seems Uncle Ant is practising safe photography'."
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Confined with a bigot: A reader met a woman, who had just emigrated here from Britain, while in hospital. "She spent a week harping on about how Pacific Islanders should go back to their own country because they were all leeching off the Government, then went on to tell me she was on the dole but it was okay because her Queen 'found' New Zealand originally and it was her right. I felt like telling her to go back to her own country."
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Having heard singers who can't sing have their voices corrected by the vocal-enhancing technology Auto Tune, (TV3's Glee, Kanye West and Cher) we are now assailed by advertising jingles which are similarly modified. Come on, Noel Leeming; do you have to?
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The councils of six boroughs in London issued parking tickets to themselves, then refused to pay the fines. One farce saw Islington Council in North London issue a ticket, then take itself to appeal - where it asked for costs against itself. The costs process involves another four steps. Parking law expert Barrie Segal said: "If they ever make a sequel to Dumb & Dumber, I'd suggest the producers look no further than Islington Parking Department for the starring roles." (Source: The Sun)
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In response to the car spray-painted with "I Hate You" by an ex-girlfriend, Scott has also felt the pain of conflicting love. "I love my Legacy heaps and a week after I broke up with a girlfriend of six months she came around in the middle of the night and got creative with a craft knife. She attacked the right hand side, rear bumper, boot, spoiler, roof and rear tyre. Repairs cost two grand which she had to sell her car to pay for. Lesson learned? Not really. Her parents bought her another car a month later."
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Wendi Paton from Wagstaff European, an upmarket collision repair business, would like to offer her company's services free to the reader whose car was done over by an ex. (Would the owner of the "I Hate You" car featured please email Sideswipe and we'll put you in touch).
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Final entry for the long-running oldest appliance competition. Jono writes: "One of my ancestors used a rock to stir/hit/crush things - it was free. We're still using it today." Sarcasm win.
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Today's Webpick: Hosts on a home shopping channel try to sell The John Lennon range of jewellery... Go here and scroll down.
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