Rebecca Barry: Science searches for the definite particle

File photo / Rebecca Barry

English actor Dominic Monaghan recently told a room of journalists that when he shuts his eyes, the world as we know it ceases to exist. He was serious.

Most of us sniggered. Even within the context of the conversation about his new TV show, in which he plays a physicist hired to investigate a case of global clairvoyance, his quantum perception seemed a bit childish. I'm sure I'm not the only one who, as a 10-year-old, blinked on and off to try and catch "reality" out.

But who's to say he's not right? We have no way of proving that when Dom departs, the room doesn't turn into a whisper of nothingness, a space that collapses in on itself like a black hole. Or a giant Buddha gyrating to The Age of Aquarius.

The writers on FlashForward can't seem to explain it either, even within the realms of fiction.

So what hope have the scientists behind the world's biggest, most expensive experiment in history?

When I'm having a bad day and struggling to spell Aquarius, I think of the poor intellectuals who have yet to fulfil their purpose in life: finding the answer to the theory of everything.

Right now, the $12.9 billion CERN Large Hadron Collider is busy smashing atoms in an effort to come up with this unifying theory of everything, a goal that officially, according to brainy people, exists. The Collider is back to work and doing so beautifully after it was shut down over Christmas due to technical faults.

Folks, we can sleep easy knowing there are protons racing around that 27km tunnel, 100m under the earth, crashing at such speeds they are generating heat greater than the centre of the sun. By the end of this month, they'll ramp up the energy to record-setting levels.

The hope is that the subatomic particles that make up an atom will reveal, among other things, the "dark matter" inherent in starry galaxies and baby's fingernails, matter that has so far proved incomprehensible, and may hold clues to such quandaries such as gravity, space-time and extra dimensions.

This is all very exciting and I sincerely hope they succeed because I know what it's like to not be able to find something you're looking for - a lost cardigan, for example.

In particular, they are seeking the mysterious Higgs boson believed to account for giving particles their mass. I just wish they gave us the answers to the theory of everything a bit sooner.

Why can't I have anything I want?

Because the Higgs boson stipulates you only get three things.

Why can't I fly?

Higgs boson says you're fat.

Why does American Idol exist?

Higgy B eats it for breakfast.

It doesn't make for the most successful dinner party talk, either.

"Seen the latest findings from the Collider experiment?"

"The what?"

"According to the graphs the scientists have just released, they've just discovered this black square with coloured lines on it. Amazing!"

As New Scientist magazine explains it, "If [the theory of everything] is ever discovered, it will describe the workings of the universe at the most fundamental level and thus encompass our entire understanding of nature."

As Stephen Hawking explains it, understanding it will be like knowing the mind of God.

So what they're doing beneath the Swiss-French border is pretty profound. You wouldn't know it.

The intrigue of the experiments has been lost in the baffling lexicon we left at school, an off-putting concoction of electrons, neutrons and protons.

And in an internet age where we think we know it all, all of the time, we've lost our sense of wonder about the things we know absolutely nothing about.

What seems to have captured the world's attention more so than scientific enlightenment, is the idea we could all be about to be gobbled up by a series of mini-black holes.

You'll remember the experiment was almost derailed by legal threats brought by fellow scientists, concerned the Collider would create a void that would swallow the earth.

Those in charge didn't deny black holes wouldn't occur but then, in a stupid PR moment, offered the analogy that the energy would be no more than that of a buzzing mosquito, something way more hideous than a black hole.

Knowing Civil Defence are not so hot on what to do in such an event (horizon), may I suggest that if you notice your gall bladder floating down the road:

a) Remain calm.
b) Take photos.
c) Do not attempt to tie your shoelaces.

The theory of everything is within our grasp.

But until we have more to work from than a black square and some coloured lines, we'll have to keep one eye out for black holes, and the other blinking on and off like Dominic Monaghan.