Rebecca Barry: Put a mad twist on silly season

Hillary Clinton thought Kiwis were [personality type]s, with a [noun] mentality. Photo / Simon Baker

Every time I go on holiday, I play (geek alert) Mad Libs. It's an old American word game created by Penguin Group publishers that Santa once dropped down the chimney.

That tatty old notebook soon filled up with amusingly nonsensical tales and I soon started writing my own, getting friends to fill in the blanks.

At the risk of my pay being docked for taking the equivalent of two minutes out of the work day, I'd like to extend this opportunity to you to co-write this next column by ripping off this simple but genius format.

If you've never played Mad Libs before, it's probably because you're mature. But it can wield some pretty awesome results, particularly if your mates are anything like mine and stop at nothing to out-rude each other. Plus, Scrabble sucks: XI is not a word.

So, in the spirit of slacking off to play silly word games, thereby reducing serious current affairs to nothing more than light entertainment that may not even make sense, gather your friends and enemies, grab a pen, and ask each attentive team player for the most bodacious word that comes to mind (as specified below). Once all gaps are filled, read results aloud. Hilarity ensues. If not, blame friends.

2010 - a [adjective] year.

New Year's Eve, and everyone had gathered around a roaring [noun]. [Person in room] was roasting [edible item] and chewing on good old Kiwi [noun] Lumps, having snuggled into a [adjective] [item of clothing].

The conversation turned to the year that was, as the country had refrained from spending up large on [plural noun], leaving Prime Minister [celebrity] with no choice but to reform the [noun] system and invite Prince William to [verb] with him at a state barbecue. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton also made a visit, revealing she thought Kiwis were [personality type]s, with a [noun] mentality.

The median salary in New Zealand was now just $[number] a year. But changes were afoot after [person in room] was elected as Super City mayor, following promises to [verb] Auckland and improve the state of all public [nouns].

This coincided with a [adjective] clip on [person]Tube, featuring outgoing council members [verb]-ing.

The Super City would encounter its first major challenges in 2010, when news broke that [celebrity] was planning to open a brothel. Called [noun], the establishment would cater exclusively to [type of person], charging $[number] an hour for time spent with men trained in the art of [verb]ing.

It had also been a year of [emotion] as several high-profile couples, including [adjective] MP Rodney Hide and [celebrity] tied the knot. The groom was resplendent in a [item of clothing]. Meanwhile, TV3's resident [occupation] Toni Marsh also [verb], and local [noun] salesman Michael Hill presented Kim Kardashian with a huge [noun] to wear on the [adjective] carpet.

This was also the year of [adjective] outbursts, after [meal] host Paul Henry said [phrase/saying] live on air. Following a [adjective] response from the New Zealand public, he resigned, and is now in talks about moving to [place] to make a show about [noun]. Former co-host Pippa Wetzell has taken leave to have child number [#].

The WikiLeaks cables revealed [person in room] was guilty of [crime] and founder Julian Assange was overthrown from his touted spot on the cover of [verb] magazine, replaced by [social pages regular] as the Person of the Year.

Wills and Kate announced they would [verb] in the new year, causing communal [emotion] around the globe. Closer at home, the front page had been awash all year with pictures of [animal, plural]. They'd since developed a taste for fame and are descending on [place] in droves.

Similar species angered investors in the collapsed [noun] finance company, furious that $[number] had been spent, largely on [noun, plural], and a sprawling [type of building] with extensive views of [place], not to mention [adjective] holidays and [plural noun]. The Securities Commission has since frozen his [noun], leaving him to survive in a house with just [number] storeys.

Facebook became the world's most popular social [verb]ing tool, featuring such pithy status updates as [phrase/saying]. This was repeated during the new year countdown. Being a Kiwi event, everyone drank [number] glasses of [liquid] and celebrated with a performance of [song], waking up in a pool of their own [noun] the next day.