KEY POINTS:
When I learnt that an international conference devoted to UFOs and alien implants had landed in Rotorua's Convention Centre, I grabbed my camera and rushed to the site immediately. As usual, by the time I'd arrived, the evidence had disappeared.
The centre's receptionist explained that the "Out of this World" visitors had hovered around the centre all weekend but abruptly left the previous evening. "You mean," I stammered, "they just vanished, into thin air?" The receptionist stared oddly at me, before adding, "most conferences pack up on Sunday afternoons".
"Did you actually speak to any of the participants?" I queried, desperately running my eye over the area, seeking extraterrestrial clues.
"Only to direct them to the toilets," she replied.
I left the centre, miffed at missing the chance to meet an international collective authority on alien encounters.
I would have been interested to chat to the keynote speaker, Dr Roger Leir, a distinguished Californian podiatrist.
He claims to have removed alien implants from a number of ensnared humans. I don't doubt the possibility. I too, believe I was abducted as a teenager and implanted with an alien anatomical appendage. An implant that has been troublesome to control over the years by normal thought processes, particularly in the intimate company of women.
While not contemplating drastic surgery, I wanted to discuss the doctor's website - AlienScalpel.com.
Much is devoted to Roswell. That remote area in New Mexico where, in 1947, the American military is supposed to have covered up an alien crash landing close to their base.
Leir suggests that a switching device recovered from the wreckage, composed of silicon and arsenic and called a "transfer resistor", was secretly handed over to Bell Electronics who obtained a 100-year jump start on developing today's transistor. The website also offers an experimental device to prevent individuals from experiencing alien abduction. It's a leather helmet lined with layers of conductive plastic, used normally to prevent static electricity damage to printed circuit boards.
When worn, the device insulates potential abduction victims from alien telepathic control. To date, one person has tried the helmet and reports positively that there's been no contact with aliens after three months of devoted use. Amazingly, these helmets are available free to anybody similarly troubled. I've decided my manufacturing divisional management should don them. Hopefully, it'll quell their thoughts about moving our business operations to China.
