Paul Thomas: We'd love to have a say but it's not our political party

COMMENT

Hands up all those who want George W. Bush to be re-elected.

Thank you both.

Before the consolidation of the primary season spoiled everything, the rest of the world was entranced by American presidential campaigns. They provided high entertainment, a cast of villains, chancers and the occasional hero, a Snakes and Ladders plot-line, treachery, drama and pathos.

The whittling down of the field of candidates obviously inspired those reality TV shows in which the participants do whatever it takes to ensure they're still in the game next week: Senator Muskie, you are the weakest link.

Now the nomination is a done deal by March. We then get a six-month hiatus interrupted only by the party conventions, which have degenerated into ghastly amalgams of sycophancy and showbiz, the cult of personality with Hollywood production values.

The rest of the world is no longer entranced; we just have a vested interest in the outcome.

The ghost of John F. Kennedy haunts this election, as it has haunted much of American political life over the past 40 years.

Like John Kerry, Kennedy was a Catholic Democrat from Massachusetts who ran for the White House as a sitting senator. He was, in fact, the last senator to win the presidency.

Of the 10 presidential elections since, four have been won by the incumbent (Johnson in 1964, Nixon in 1972, Reagan in 1984 and Clinton in 1996) while Bush senior was the incumbent Vice-President in 1980.

Four were won by state governors: Carter (Georgia) in 1976, Reagan (California) in 1980, Clinton (Arkansas) in 1992 and Bush jnr (Texas) in 2000.

The odd man out in more ways than one was Richard Nixon who came out of apparent retirement for a second tilt in 1968: "You won't have Nixon to kick around anymore," he told reporters after losing the Californian gubernatorial race in 1962.

Twelve years later when the largely media-driven Watergate scandal brought about his disgrace and downfall, he probably wished that he'd stuck to his word.

"Redefeat Bush" says the bumper sticker. According to this view, Bush weaselled his way into office on the back of some fast and dirty work by the Governor of Florida (who just happened to be his brother), his legal shock troops and a couple of far-right Supreme Court justices appointed by the 41st President (who just happened to be his father).

Obscured by the mist of sentiment, mythology and revisionism surrounding the 1000 days of Camelot - as the Kennedy presidency came to be known - is the fact that JFK won office thanks to some fast and dirty work by Chicago Mayor Richard Daley's notorious political machine.

But Kennedy was young and glamorous and had great speechwriters, and the Republican candidate was Tricky Dicky Nixon who looked and sounded like a second-hand car salesman crossed with ... well, with George W. Bush.

Another contributor to the apparently universal Bush-phobia is that he compares so dismally with his predecessor, the first American president since JFK to make the rest of the world go weak at the knees. (James Ellroy, the unflinching chronicler of America's secret history, argued that JFK was Clinton "minus pervasive media scrutiny and a few rolls of flab".)

Clinton was cool; he knew how to have fun. Sure, he could holy roll with the best of them but we knew it was an act and that as soon as the cameras were switched off, he'd be dispatching his aides to proposition every likely looking woman in the room - except Hillary, of course - or playing hide the cigar with Monica.

We didn't mind the hypocrisy. In fact, we welcomed it because it reassured us. Clinton could put on his stern face and wag his finger and vow to hunt down the perpetrators of the latest terrorist provocation but we knew it was all hot air. In the end he'd settle for sending a Cruise missile "up the ass" - as Bush put it - of some unfortunate camel somewhere in Asia Minor.

With Bush what you see is what you get. We don't know what we'd get with Kerry (apart from a certain born-to-rule pomposity and a Kennedyesque head of hair) but that doesn't seem to matter.

The rest of the world would love to have a say tomorrow but it's not our party. We've just got to hope that the American people take the outside world's views into consideration for a change.

Just as we'll bear in mind their objection to our nuclear ships stance next time we vote.