KEY POINTS:
Mentioning that I had been invited to speak on the topic of national identity drew a sombre response from a New Zealand-born Chinese man I met last week.
"No matter how Kiwi we feel inside, the Pakeha and Maori will never consider us Chinese as 100 per cent Kiwi," he told me.
Although the man is a third-generation New Zealander, he still faces taunting - sometimes from total strangers - telling him to go back to where he has come from.
He said Pacific people did not face the same problem as Asians, because they looked like Maori. But because Asians are distinctively different to New Zealand's two main cultures, we would always be a target for racist attacks.
I walked away from that conversation feeling a tinge of sadness.
After 10 years here I am slowly beginning to feel like a New Zealander. So the thought that a third-generation local-born Chinese person was not able to feel fully Kiwi and at home in New Zealand came as a shock.
I have two New Zealand-born kids, and overseas friends and visitors often call me a local, which leads me to think and feel more like a Kiwi.
To a large extent, having this column, where I discuss local issues, has also contributed to feeling much more like a New Zealander.
But I take the point that it is not how Kiwi I feel, but whether other New Zealanders ever really consider me (or my kids) as truly one of their own.
I am fully aware of being different from New Zealand's two main cultures. I am constantly reminded of this - even in my work as a columnist for this newspaper.
Often, the Herald's letters to the editor do not tell the same story as those sent to my inbox.
The responses I get from readers differ greatly to those of my columnist colleagues. They never get letters telling them to go back to where they came from.
An email from one reader, responding to my column on New Zealand wages being too meagre for my home-ownership dream (March 19) said in part: "Stop complaining, you had your chance to own two homes, and lost it, too bad. Go home. How many NZers will ever be able to fulfil the dream of home ownership because of immigrants like you driving up house prices? NZ doesn't need you. Since your dreams are over, go back to Singapore, and that would end our nightmare and help us make our dreams of owning our homes come true. Bon voyage."
As a writer from a minority race addressing issues like discrimination, race and religion, I knew it was always going to be a challenge to have my opinion accepted as just that of another New Zealander.
In a society which has been largely mono-cultural, or at most bicultural, it seems a common assumption that a writer who is from a minority race has a chip on his shoulder. People also perceive insults in much of what he writes, even where there are none.
People from non-minority races who fully understand and empathise with how minorities feel are also few and far between.
I discussed the subject of racism with a Pakeha friend who had been a journalist for 20 years, but he did not feel it was even an issue here.
Another friend says New Zealand society is multicultural and already accepting of all races, judging from the fact that people of different races go out for meals together and dine at restaurants serving different ethnic food.
But does dining at restaurants tell the whole story about New Zealand's path towards multiculturalism?
Last month, two Pakeha males aged 20 and 28 were charged with assault in the Nelson District Court for punching and kicking three Asian teenage boys for no reason other than they were Asian.
Before and during the attack, the men yelled abuse and racial taunts, and screamed the usual "go home".
Even without such taunts to go home, it is hard for me to feel totally Kiwi.
My favourite meal is fish curry, not fish'n'chips and my favourite sport is soccer and not rugby.
But continuing to sideline people who are not Maori or Pakeha is no longer an option as New Zealand trudges on its road to multiculturalism.
This Thursday, a discussion panel at the Christchurch Art Gallery will address the changing aspects of New Zealand's national identity, and I will be on that panel, chaired by another Herald columnist, Jim Hopkins.
National identity does not come with just the issuing of a piece of paper or a passport.
For someone to identify with New Zealand, what is more crucial is his or her emotional commitment to the nation - and this must be actively fostered.
