Lincoln Tan: Missing boy highlights pressures Korean students face

The picture of John Ma in tears as he pleads for news of his missing son on the pages of this newspaper last week brought back a flood of emotions.

Among the first stories I did as a reporter were two about missing people. Being really green then, I wasn't prepared for the emotions that came with interviewing the family members of those missing people.

In the first assignment, a 3-year-old boy pleaded with me, as if I had some superpower, to bring his 28-year-old mother - an aspiring Singapore actress - back to him.

It was just before Chinese New Year in 1991, and I can still remember what the boy, Jerry Huang, said between sobs: "Tell mummy I'm sorry, I'll be a good boy. I don't need any hongbao [red packet of gift money], I just need my mommy."

This, however, did not prepare me for what was to come in my next job.

The photographer and I were greeted at the door of the missing person's flat by his frail 88-year-old great-grandmother, who went down on her knees in tears and pleaded with us to help her see her great-grandson, Lawrence, one more time before she died.

More than 15 years have passed since I worked on that story, but the scene of the old lady on her knees remains imprinted in my mind.

Loved ones of missing people suffer more than those of murder victims because there is no closure. Not knowing whether a person is dead or alive, or why the person went missing, is worse than knowing someone is dead.

So, I feel for John Ma and his wife, whose son Jack, a Waikato Institute of Technology student, disappeared without trace after leaving his Unsworth Heights home on June 12.

The Korean community here is abuzz with speculation over how and why he went missing. June Kim*, a Korean mother who lives in Belmont and has two children in North Shore schools, said discussions are especially active on the internet and discussion forums. "Many Koreans are saying that New Zealand is not as safe as we think, and question the effectiveness of the police," she said.

Korean parents believe that New Zealand, which offers an English-medium education, will give their children a head start to get into top universities, hoping this could land them jobs with multi-national companies.

But Mrs Kim admits that sometimes, in expecting the best from their children, some Korean parents can put too much pressure on them. In agreement with Mrs Kim is former Unitec student Michelle Kim (no relation).

She says Korean students have "more stress" and face problems that are very different from those of Chinese students.

Korean students are often accompanied by one or both parents when they come here to study, and because many are not able to find employment, the parents focus 100 per cent on what their children get up to.

Michelle said many Korean students find this stifling. She has got into heated disagreement with her mother on "cultural" matters, and running away from home has crossed her mind.

"We see our Kiwi schoolmates get so much freedom, and our Chinese classmates getting so much money to buy things, we feel it is unfair," she said. "Our parents bring us to a Western country, but still expect us to behave like we are back in Korea."

A recent report by the Korean Education Development Institute (Kedi) showed that the number of students aged between 7 and 19 studying overseas had increased more than 10 times from 1562 in 1998 to 16,440 in 2004.

There are 188,000 Korean students in schools and universities around the world, and the same report said one in three Korean parents wanted to send their children abroad for education.

But the Kedi report also said that 80 per cent return to South Korea within two years because they are unable to adjust to a new environment.

The missing Jack has made the news back in Korea, and this again puts New Zealand into the vulnerable position where it could suffer the same backlash it faced with the Chinese student market.

Locally, some Koreans are cynical that the disappearance of Jack has received little media attention, in contrast to Jin the missing otter, which had front-page treatment and daily updates.

So, where is Jack? If he is deliberately in hiding, I can only strongly support the views of North Shore area commander Les Paterson that Jack owes it to his family and the community to make contact.

If he is not, then I join the rest of New Zealand and the Korean community in hoping and praying for a positive outcome.

Last week, news agency AFP reported a story on how a Korean man, Kim Young Nam, was reunited with his mother 28 years after being kidnapped by North Korean agents.

Two weeks ago, I interviewed a South Auckland Vietnamese man who ran away from his family as a teenager and lived on the streets for 21 years.

He was reunited with his brother and sister, who had given him up for dead.

During my years working as a journalist, I have learned that miracles do happen and some fairy tales do come true.

Let's hope there is a happy ending to the Jack Ma story.

* CORRECTION: In the original version of this article June Kim was incorrectly described as the mother of Jack Ma. The error occurred during editing.