KEY POINTS:
In my next life, I'm going to be a professional car thief. I'm amazed more young people don't choose it as a career option. You don't need any qualifications - just an eye for a great car, the ability to work nights - although there are some daylight robbery positions available - and a complete disregard for anybody else.
What do you care that a young person might have worked two jobs for three years to buy his first car? Or that he might be in debt for the next 10 years paying off a car he doesn't own because you stole it. No, if you can handle a couple of months in jail, if the worst comes to the worst, then car thievery's the job for you.
In the year 2005-2006, just over 24,000 cars were stolen, and the Justice Department estimates that about a quarter of those were stolen to order. I had a Club Sport taken from my driveway about six years ago - the thieves had been watching my place, knew when I came home and sometime in the early hours, they loaded the Clubby on to a transporter and it was gone, never to be seen again. It's probably had a far more exciting life than it would have if it had stayed with me - drive-by shootings and high-speed getaways are much more thrilling for a Holden than picking up the kids from school and transporting groceries.
But it infuriated me that the thieves got clean away. Can't we make it just a little bit harder for the buggers? Actually pretend we care that they're ripping off our property and making a fortune from it? The microdotting of cars is a step in the right direction but really, I don't see how it will do more than inconvenience the professionals. They appear to be able to take what they want at will and precious few are actually caught. Like I say, in my next life, if I come back without a conscience, I'm going to be a car thief.
