Kerre Woodham: Prayer for a brighter mayor

To the ghosts of former city mayors:

If you have any influence upstairs at all, could you please ask the powers that be to provide a viable mayoral candidate for the Auckland Supercity?

I know what I want in a mayor and what I don't want, if that's any help.

I don't want a mayor who's running for the gig because he or she is unable to get a job in the private sector.

I do want a mayor who understands the difference between a legitimate work expense and personal spending. Given how widespread the troughing is among all those whose salaries are paid for by the taxpayer, however, this may be an impossible request.

I want a mayor who has a vision for the future and who understands that the city is comprised of many villages, each with its own character and parochial tribe.

Being a mayor of this city will be like being Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie - bringing together unrelated and diverse characters and blending them into a family.

I don't want a mayor who's going to indulge in late-night texting, faxing or phone calls to the Prime Minister offering unsolicited advice.

I want a mayor who can keep his pants on - no brown eyes, no peeing in public.

I don't want a mayor who refers to himself in the third person, nor do I want one who believes himself to be Maori when he's not. Wairua's a wonderful thing and all, but really.

I want a mayor who is healthy in mind and in body. Although I want a mayor with charisma, I'd prefer a mayor who has never worked, or wanted to work, in the media. Trust me, media types are odd. They crave the spotlight and when it dims within their chosen sphere, they will try desperately to find a way to stay centre stage, whether they're suitable for the role or not.

I want a mayor who really doesn't want to do the job but feels a civic responsibility to do so. As the ancients told us, anyone who seeks power is the wrong person to have it.

I realise this is a lot to ask and I know finding suitable candidates for any election can be difficult but, given the dearth of high-calibre candidates running for the Supercity mayoralty, I'm desperate.

Yours faithfully,
Concerned of Grey Lynn