Kerre Woodham: Parade showed Crow is no boob

Steve Crow is one smart operator. The furore generated over whether or not the Boobs on Bikes parade would be allowed to take place in Queen St ensured that the parade and the Erotica Expo it was promoting were never out of the news.

Commentators had a field day debating the pros and cons of the parade, insults were traded - Crow was a sleazy pedlar of flesh; Dick Hubbard was a religious nutter.

But in the end, the parade went ahead, and between 30,000-50,000 men, women and children lined the streets to gawp at the best breasts money could buy. And without wishing to ask a totally redundant question, what on Earth drew the crowds to Queen St?

Was it the breasts or permission to perve at porn stars that gathered the masses? I wouldn't have thought the city's men would get excited over seeing breasts because, let's face it, this is not Victorian England. Boobs are a dime a dozen these days. Those men fighting to get pole position with their cameras must have seen thousands of breasts in their time. And they'd see a whole lot more too, if women exercised their right to go topless in town. Thank heavens so few of us do. There are a few serial protesters who expose their breasts on a regular basis, but they seem to be the only ones who can't resist the temptation. Dear me.

Breasts, like camellias, have a brief flowering period. Most women enjoy perfect breasts for about six months between the ages of 18 and 20 before the bosom begins its gradual and inevitable descent.

Seeing the city's women marching through the streets with breasts like walk socks with golf balls at the bottom of them would put you off your sushi. The attraction for the blokes must have been seeing in the flesh the girls they've fantasised about since their stag nights.

Jessica Drake, international porn star, all blonde and fluffy and kittenish, appeared on Campbell Live to defend the parade, claiming it was a joyous expression of empowerment. As her fellow guest, who was opposed to the parade, pointed out flatly, it wasn't about female empowerment, it was about advertising.

And that was the thing. I have seen far more offensive ads than this parade, but by making a fuss, opponents have ensured Steve Crow will get bumper crowds for his expo. Take at look at the Erotica Expo website, so long as you're not at work.

The photos from parades in previous years show a smattering of people on the streets, mainly lunchtime shoppers who look rather bemused. So for Crow, this was all about generating interest in an event few people knew was taking place. Although he talks a lot about empowerment, too.

Maybe Jessica was really thrilled to be nominated for Best Anal Scene 2002 in the annual Oscars for the adult entertainment industry, the AVN Awards. Maybe Taylor Wane, another of the international stars and another whom I suspect has a name she wasn't born with, is thrilled to have starred in Assturbators (2004). What people do with their own bodies is their own business but empowered? Really? Did these pretty girls really want to grow up to be porn stars?

They probably dreamed of being great actresses and when that dream failed to materialise, they chose another route - so to speak - to stardom. And in their own world, they appear to have reached giddy heights indeed. An appearance on Campbell Live, a parade through Auckland City's main street and a weekend at a porn expo. Wow. Who would have thought a little girl from small-town America could come so far?