KEY POINTS:
I'd always thought the story of the twins called Benson and Hedges and Fish and Chips was apocryphal. Surely no parent could be so insensitive as to label their children with such ridiculous monikers.
But apparently there are plenty of them about. Living among us are Spiral Cicada, Sex Fruit and Stallion.
The issue of outlandish names came to light in New Plymouth last week when Family Court judge Rob Murfitt ordered a 9-year-old girl put into court guardianship so she can change her name.
The girl is so embarrassed at being saddled with Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii that she hasn't revealed it to her friends. And her parents seemed to think her distress was funny.
It's a tricky thing, naming someone. I know parents who agonise for weeks and sometimes, months, over what to call their offspring. It doesn't help that fashions come and go. What might be cutting edge now can be dated in just a couple of years.
I'm betting the number of Britneys will have plummeted after the pop tart crashed and burned. And while there are many Mabels and Irises in retirement villages, you won't find many young ones.
Every new mum or dad believes their child is special and unique and want them to have a name that reflects that. But it has to be a name the child can live with, a name that gives them options.
But some names are spot on. Judge Murfitt might have frowned at Mr and Mrs L'Estrange-Corbet calling their little girl Pebbles 19 years ago, but that stylish, hardworking and hip young creature has taken that name and made it her own.
Anyway, a name you hate or that doesn't suit you doesn't have to be a life-long affliction. Once you reach a certain age, you can always change it by deed poll, as a chap I know did.
Raymond, who'd come from a King Country farming family, arrived in Auckland and discovered boys and drag. He decided he would be called Beauregard. And Beauregard he became.
Perhaps new parents would do well to remember an old Chinese proverb: The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names. Although to be fair to Raymond's parents, they would never have thought they'd conceive a Beauregard.
