KEY POINTS:
It must be exhausting being a member of the Green Party. They're so earnest and righteous and determined that the great unwashed will eventually see the light and embrace the way of the Green.
If it's not smacking, it's public transport, or sow crates, or refugees or carbon emissions. Or it's school canteens.
No issue is too big or too small to escape the zealous fervour of the Greens.
In one of the many press releases issued by the Greens last week, there was the thin-lipped pronouncement from Sue Kedgeley that most schools will fail to meet the new nutrition guidelines for healthy tuckshop menus when they start in three weeks.
The Green Party completed its third school food survey this year and found more than 60 per cent of schools still sold pies. No! Yes. But wait. There's more. Sixty-four per cent sell cakes and biscuits!
Take the tuckshop supervisors out into the playground, line them up against the wall and shoot them.
If I'd never tasted my nanna's shortbread, my life would have been all the poorer. And what's wrong with pies? There are some manky ones to be sure, but a good pie is a thing of great beauty and joy.
And indeed, great sustenance. On a cold winter's day, can there be anything more cheering to the soul than a steak and cheese pie?
A simple rule of thumb would be to never buy a pie sealed in plastic, but hey, that's only my rule for life and far be it from me to impose my standards on to you.
Unlike the bloody Greens, who want us all to live by their creeds and guidelines.
It's like being carped at by those mealy-mouthed, sanctimonious prefects who were chronic crawlers and suffered all slings and arrows with the beatific smiles of the truly righteous.
Treating people like infants will invariably make them behave as such.
And hearing the latest pronouncements from Sue and her crew made me want to go out, buy a Hummer, fill it with fuel and drive for miles for no reason at all other than the simple pleasure of driving with hard-core rap on the radio and a pie in my hand.
