Kerre Woodham: A thought for the border collie on Guy Fawkes

Ok everyone, we have been warned. In fine old schoolmasterly style, David Benson-Pope has warned us that unless we play nicely with fireworks this year, we won't be able to play with them at all. He points to the dramatic increase in police and fire brigade call-outs as a result of incendiary idiocy and to the growing number of people petitioning parliament for an end to the sale of fireworks.

Predictably, people have been grumbling about political correctness gone mad and how nobody has the right to do anything fun any more. Some of the grumblers made what they considered to be the brilliant analogy of motor vehicle accidents costing the country millions and causing people harm, so why not just ban cars?

I think any cost benefit analysis would show that cars would triumph over fireworks so that argument doesn't really wash but I can understand people's frustrations.

I love fireworks. There's nothing like the spectacular displays at Symphony under the Stars and similar events. They're beautiful and thrilling and I'd hate to see them go. But a few damp squibs in someone's backyard - well, really. Where's the fun in that?

There's something about fireworks that ignites ordinary sane rational beings into risk-taking, thrill-seeking borderline pyromaniacs. It's a wonder there aren't more injuries as a result of fireworks.

That being said, I can understand why people would be brassed-off if the sale of fireworks was banned as the result of the actions of that troublesome minority who always seem to ruin it for everyone. I'm happy to pander to the sensibilities of the highly-strung border collie and lock him in a room with the radio going, patting him as he shivers under the bed while the universe as he knows it comes to a noisy and spectacular end.

But I'll be happier if we as a community are responsible and sensible enough to enjoy Guy Fawkes night without inflicting damage on pets, property or people.