KEY POINTS:
My son is moving to Australia today. He might make his life there. Whenever that thought has choked me this week I've tried to estimate how many New Zealanders have known the wrench.
It is one that confuses the emotions. We are pleased for the venturous of course, proud that they have the courage to go alone to a bigger place and grateful that this country has been a launch pad for a highly portable career. But it is no easier to see them go.
When it comes to their departure, you realise it is no reflection on New Zealand. For years, people whose economic views I generally share have been citing the flight of our children as a reason to resume economic reform. They have not made much headway with the argument, and no wonder.
Young people may say they are going for higher incomes or opportunities unavailable here but they go cheerfully. Not all have the sentimental ties to New Zealand that made me certain I would return. My son is the sort of guy who goes places without looking back.
It is natural for those of us left behind to compare the places that lure them with the one we hope they will continue to call home. It is Melbourne that has hooked one of mine.
That city does have some qualities Auckland lacks. Many more people obviously. Better sports stadiums. More big events. A pleasant central city grid where motorways and heavy rail stop at the edges and trams rattle along the streets within.
I keep arguing against these things for Auckland, not because I dislike the idea of light rail running up Queen St, past the universities and the hospital to Newmarket, but because I don't believe Auckland's population would make it economic.
More people is the key. Sydney and Melbourne look and feel like other cities in the world, Auckland is a country town.
How odd to hear the Mayor of Auckland lament immigration this week. He was commenting on two new studies of our crazy housing market and wanted the Government to do something about that fact that too many people want to live here. Save us.
With the average house price now about six times the average wage, I was beginning to worry about the mortgage my son would have to carry if he wanted to get his first home. He will find that easier in Australia.
Australia welcomes immigrants and probably would not blame them for a housing market distorted by taxation. But then it taxes capital gains more evenly so productive investments can compete for household savings.
Nobody wants to talk about our glaring deficiency, not even the authors of the latest studies of the Auckland house market. They noted that the affordability crisis was a result of rocketing land values which they blamed on a number of things, not least the efforts of Auckland councils to resist urban sprawl.
They found a shortage of land zoned for new housing on the city edge and reported two theories for that. Developers blame the councils' attempts to strangle urban expansion, councils say land has been approved for subdivision but is being kept undeveloped by speculative trading.
Whatever the reason, Auckland's "regional growth strategy" has been more successful at resisting sprawl than in its efforts to accommodate the rising population with higher density development within.
Civic planners are constantly fighting the clear preference of New Zealanders for their own plot of land and personal transport. Planners like compact cities built around public transport, something like Melbourne.
But Melbourne also sprawls and has motorways, and some of them are tolled. Australians prefer cars as much as we do but their cities have the population to support urban railways, Auckland does not.
I would love to have at least twice as many people here. We could double New Zealand's population growth rate and still keep plenty of pristine places for ourselves and the tourist industry. But most New Zealanders seem not to believe it. An empty environment is more precious to most than the business opportunities and urban pleasures that a bigger population would bring.
That is our principle difference from Australia. It is good to have its cities nearby, comforting to have the security of the Anzac heritage and helpful to have our economies integrated to such a degree that John Key contemplates a joint currency.
But heaven forbid. Adoption of their dollar would leave us so susceptible to Australian economic management it would make more sense to join the federation and have a vote.
I doubt it will ever come to that, but blood is thicker than the water between us. Tonight I will be able to attest to that.
