KEY POINTS:
There's no point asking what the world's coming to. Because we know the answer. And we're not happy about it. Nor should we be. We have every right to be unhappy. And incensed. We have every right to burn, not as incense does, but with a fury that only the sternest of measures could assuage.
And we are entitled to demand such measures. We are entitled to insist that every example of disorderly brawling is met with a response far firmer than the standard limp-wristed, wishy-washy, namby-pamby, kiss-it-better nonsense we've come to expect in this weak-kneed, lily-livered, woolly-woofter day and age.
Such gutless pandering as we've seen from the courts lately may gratify a small minority of sandal-wearing, milksop tree-huggers but it cuts no mustard with the right-minded rest of us. We want action! And rightly so.
When you consider the ugly, abusive, riotous and disagreeable behaviour to which any number of decent, God-fearing, taxpaying folk have recently been subjected - in the South and elsewhere - it's no wonder the nation seeks retribution.
We don't want - and won't accept - some feeble-minded do-gooder of the restorative persuasion resolving that five strokes with a wet bus ticket is sufficient punishment for the perpetrators of such vicious outbursts as we've been forced to endure. We don't want - and won't tolerate - the use of diversion, conversion, subversion, perversion (or any other version we regard with aversion) on the grounds that harsher penalties would blight the future careers of these middle-class maniacs.
"So what?" we say in wrathful unison. "Who cares about their prospects? If they want to fight in public, if they think it's clever to toss noxious stuff all over the place, then on their pea-brained heads be it.
"This is not harmless fun. It's heedless, reckless, and mindless, not to mention spiteful, hateful and awful!
"Too bad if these yuppie yobbos get hammered. That's the way the cookie crumbles. People who live in ivory towers shouldn't throw slurs!"
And if they do, then they should get the book thrown at them. And not just any book either. Whatever the title of the tome that is tossed, it should be weighty enough to leave a lasting impression.
Whether it's a leather-bound edition of The Herald Digi-Poll, or a complete set of The Encyclopaedia Puritanica, what matters is that it stops their unseemly, unpleasant, obnoxious squabbling and brings these tertiary troglodytes - as most of them are - to their senses.
Our silver-spoon slobs and bourgeois boofheads must be held to account and the best way to do that is for all of us to subtract approval every time they add hominem.
Hit 'em where it hurts. That's what we want! A swift kick in the polls should make their eyes water - and persuade them that their juvenile antics are as unedifying as the Undie 500 and as unwelcome as an engineering student in the Edinburgh of the South.
That's certainly the view of former WoTO (World Trade Organisation) boss, Mike Moore, who sent the pundits into overdrive this week by suggesting the Prime Minister was indulging in what could only be described as termagantic behaviour. Well, in fact, it couldn't only be described as termagantic. Indeed, if Mr Moore had used that term the whole internecine spat may have passed unnoticed, if only because most people wouldn't have had the foggiest idea what he was talking about.
Instead, he compared Ms Clark's behaviour with that of Sir Robert Muldoon, thereby managing not only to offend the loyal fans of both leaders but also emphatically putting the cat amongst the sturgeons. Alas, his condemnation of ad hominem attacks was somewhat tarnished by his own description - regularly repeated on radio news bulletins - of Act leader Rodney Hide who looked, he said, "like a young Mussolini striding through the cornfields".
Well, that puts paid to old Rodders, no question! Heck, if he looks like Mussolini, he must be Mussolini. Ad hominem at its finest, you'd have to agree. Proving conclusively why our privileged political provocateurs use the tactic.
Because it works! A cheap shot is invariably the easiest way to taint an opponent.
Should further evidence be required, consider this. The same day Mr Moore was bemoaning the modern penchant for denouncing the arguer rather than the argument, Mr Winston Peters was launching his Super Fantastic Amazing Gold Card (with astonishing discounts on mobility scooters).
Responding to a reporter's sceptical question about the card's value, he offered this gem - hastily transcribed from the TV news; "Every time we hear a journalist say that sort of thing we know we're talking to some arrogant, chardonnay-swilling, pinkie-pointing, uneducated, unreformed, unreconstructed, ignorant media moron!"
Mindful that the odd word may be out of place, the gist is there and the gist suggests that while there mightn't be many more riots in Dunedin our social engineers in Wellington are a different kettle of fish. Indifferent to the general revulsion their shenanigans provoke, they're going to be at it, hammer and tong, dishing out their stupefying cliches and ad hominem ad nauseum till the cows - or cowards - come home to roost!
