KEY POINTS:
Is America Ready For a Black President? - News Headline
"Hell, yes!" says Robert Mugabe.
Well, actually, no, he hasn't.
Not so far. But imagining such utterance from this preposterous toad - in whose country a billion Zimbabwe dollars will now buy you one British Pound - does highlight the inanity of the headline.
Is America Ready For a Black President?
The answer is clearly, "Yes!" Probably.
The fact that Obama has done so well so far; the fact that this Tiger Woods of politics has now won the Democratic Open, in the process gathering about him an Obamy Army of devotees ready to cheer his every proclamation, should make that clear. And thus make the question superfluous.
If it doesn't, then knowing that the gorgeous Oprah Winfrey has got her pom-poms out to lead his cheerleaders (including the fertile Mrs And Mrs Pitt) surely must.
But that won't stop pundits and gurus from all corners of the globe posing the question ad nauseum in the turbulent months that lie ahead.
And if the answer is, eventually, implausibly, unbelievably, "No" then it will be America's fault and not the candidate's.
It's already apparent where the sympathies of most journalists covering the US elections lie. Barack is their boy, no question. In the Presidential race between Dubyah's buddy, the old white guy and Tiger they will happily be the latter's caddies.
They will pelt poor old John McCain with hedgehogs (metaphorically, of course, to assuage the concerns of one "Harold" correspondent this week) - with their bylines as bright as any pair of fluoro trou.
Bear that in mind as the campaign unfolds and the question of race is repeatedly raised. Because it will mask a much more important query. "Is America Ready For a Pentecostal President?"
For that's really the essence of Obama's appeal - at least to date. He looks good, he sounds great, he can serve up a heapin' helpin' of hallelujah inspiration. And there's the rub.
All political rhetoric is disturbing - if only because people believe it - but the evangelical stuff is actually the most disturbing of all.
In part because it's so easy to abuse, as despots and demagogues beyond number have so ably demonstrated. And also because it so amply reveals the superficiality and gullibility of electors.
Our primal appetite for messiahs sees us irresistibly attracted to the glucose rush of a good cliché - and the politicians who dispense them.
In the context of the American political system - as hog-tied as our own woeful parliament - the slogan Change We Can Believe In is next to nonsense. Yet the voters are wolfing it down like popcorn at a drive-in.
So far.
Whether the revival meeting will continue is in the lap of the Gods but, be assured, it will be religiosity, not race, that defines the US Presidential campaign.
Speaking of religions, it was World Environment Day yesterday. Birds smiled, trees sang, flowers danced, Hector's dear wee dolphins came ashore for a picnic and all manner of UN worthies flew halfway round the globe to celebrate it here.
Because we're the hosts, you see. And the Environment, like Barack Obama, is a worshipful thing.
Much bigger and uglier than he is, and much better able to look after itself, but still a religious icon, deserving of obeisance, a deity to which we must pay due reverence. And who better to do that than the extinguished poet laureate, Mr Jam Hipkins, whose most reverent tribute to World Environment Day is what we leave you with 24 hours after the event - when, by all accounts, the environment is much as it was before ...
It's easy to cuddle a penguin
Or schmooze with a big polar bear
It's easy to love Maui's dolphins,
Like fishermen, threatened and rare
It's easy to swim with the Orcas
Or hug a lost Humpback somewhere
But let's not forget all the other
Dear creatures in need of our care
Not Pandas or whales or chihuahuas
Yet part of the biosphere too
These lonely and downtrodden beasties
Are also relying on you
So be nice to the lovely wee maggots
Be nice to the weevils and fleas
Be nice to the locusts and leeches and, yes,
The mossies that gnaw at your knees
Be nice to the rats and the rodents
Be nice to the bacteriums
Just welcome them into your digestive tract
And don't wash your fresh capsicums
Be nice to the BSE virus
Be nice to the cows and the sheep
Be nice to the carrots you once used to boil
Be nice to the chicken fried deep
Be nice to the weeds and the thistles
That share our sublime firmament
Be nice to all vegetables, including those
You'll find in the Parlia-ment
Don't ever throw hedgehogs at aardvarks
Don't ever throw hedgehogs at ants
And if you throw hedgehogs at people
Be sure not to wear orange pants
But never throw hedgehogs at wildlife
It will make nature's world feel so sick
And if you do that on Environment Day
The planet will call you a prick!!!!!
