NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / New Zealand

<i>Jim Hopkins</i>: Hold that depression, there's always someone worse off

By Jim Hopkins
NZ Herald·
1 May, 2008 05:00 PM5 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

Opinion by

KEY POINTS:

Groceries up 28% - News Item
Petrol Hits $2 - Another News Item


When you can't afford your foodstuffs
All those basic things you crave
And you're forced to cut your shopping list
And buy at Hakn Shave
When you have to get your petrol
Half a litre at a time
And you think
the B. P. GST's
A sneaky fiscal crime
When the ends have got so far apart
That you cannot make them meet
Unless you move across to Oz
- Or start to walk the street!!
When your mortgage is outlandish
And your costs are through the roof
But your life's gone down the toilet
... Just repeat this simple truth
Pick up your dying wallet
And share these words so true
For they are a cheering mantra
That will stop you feeling blue
Say to your dying wallet
"Look, we may be in the pooh
But there is always someone
Who is much worse off than you!!!"


Thank goodness for the Laureate, that's all you can say. God bless you, Sir. You've done it again. Just when our gloom seemed impenetrable and our hopes as deflated as any secret-shielding dome at Waihopai.

Just when it seemed there was nothing for it but to clasp the rusty razor and end the endless agony, then, in the nick of time, in our hour of need, precisely when we need him most, the ever-reliable Mr Jam Hipkins steps up to the plate and saves the day.

Because, damn it, the man's right!!! There is always someone worse off than ourselves. And we would do well to remember that.

Sure, it may be difficult, especially when we're stumbling through the wreckage of a ravaged economy, battered by soaring prices and the terrifying thought that in these troubled times the best the bleedin' gummint can do is add some hair-brained emissions trading scheme to our burgeoning list of imposts, but we should, nevertheless, take some consolation from the laureate's unvarnished truth.

There is always someone worse off than ourselves. Even this week.

Imagine, for a moment, if you'd woken up this morning and discovered, for some unfathomable reason, that you'd turned ... Canadian! Honestly, no matter how rotten you felt before, you'd feel even more rotten then. Because being Canadian must be just about the worst thing in the world. Honestly! You've gotta feel sorry for the Canucks.

There they are, stuck at the top of North America, surrounded by polar bears swimming south in search of a refrigerator, constantly overshadowed by the big, brash, sabre-rattling Yanks - a bit like us and the Aussies, really - and basically left with no option but to become Uncle Sam's meek, mild, boring nephew.

Which is precisely what Canada's become. And that's the problem. Canada may be nice and well-behaved. But it's also dull. And dull isn't sexy.

So the poor old Canadians say to themselves, "Heck, there must be someone that likes dull people." And, naturally, they think of New Zealand. "Gee," they say in their mild Canadian manner, "New Zealand's like us. They're overawed by a bigger neighbour. Let's go there and buy an airport."

Except they're not allowed to. Even li'l ol' Noo Zealand sends them packing. Then, to rub volt in the wound, less than a fortnight later, the flamin' torch-bearing, coal-burning Chinese are allowed to buy a perfectly good, only slightly used electricity network supplying essential power to the entire capital city of the whole blooming country!!!!!!!

Because it ain't strategic!!!

"Well, buy me a pair of trousers and call me k.d. lang , but I'd've thought it was strategic!!!!" say the bewildered Canadians.

"Sorry guys! It's not," we blithely reply.

"The fact is, we're the same as everybody else. We just don't like you. And that's that. But the Chinese ... well, now you're talking. We'll happily sell Vector to them - provided they throw in a free Tibet!

"In fact, we're so happy to sell Vector to them that not even two-way Winnie, our very own dual in the Crown, will raise any objections. And if he does, we'll cut his baubles off."

So there you have it - in a nutcase. However grim our lives may be, however burdensome our load, we should nevertheless empty out the piggy bank of hope and count our meagre blessing. At least we're not Canadian!!!

PS. On that heartening note, and speaking of blessings, it's probably fitting to leave the last word to our extinguished poet laureate, Mr Jam Hipkins, who's carefully crafted a new song for our talented politicians to sing, especially now they're all whizzing about waving to the poor people in those marvellous new low emission BMWs.

Okay. Everybody, all together now, one, two, three. To the tune of that grand old standard, Oh, I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside, here we go ...

Oh, I do like to be inside m'Beemer
Oh, I do like m'Beemer driving me
It is such a posh new car
For a Cabinet mini-star
It's my Beemer
And it's FREE!!!!!!!!!!

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Save

    Share this article

Latest from New Zealand

live
New Zealand

Fibre outage and evacuations top of South Island, Auck Harbour Bridge hit by high winds

02 Jul 09:20 PM
New ZealandUpdated

Heavy rain warnings: BoP acts like 'scoop' for wild weather

02 Jul 09:19 PM
OpinionUpdated

NZ Herald comments: The stories open for discussion today

02 Jul 09:17 PM

There’s more to Hawai‘i than beaches and buffets – here’s how to see it differently

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from New Zealand

Heavy rain warnings: BoP acts like 'scoop' for wild weather

Heavy rain warnings: BoP acts like 'scoop' for wild weather

02 Jul 09:19 PM

A severe thunderstorm watch is in place for the region tonight.

NZ Herald comments: The stories open for discussion today

NZ Herald comments: The stories open for discussion today

02 Jul 09:17 PM
NZ Herald Severe Weather Update 3rd July

NZ Herald Severe Weather Update 3rd July

Heating or eating a tough call for some after rates rise, says councillor

Heating or eating a tough call for some after rates rise, says councillor

02 Jul 09:13 PM
From early mornings to easy living
sponsored

From early mornings to easy living

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP