KEY POINTS:
Gee, it would be neat if life was a movie. If life was a movie, we'd always have a happy ending. Good would prevail, evil would be vanquished. But, alas, life isn't a movie. It's just life. And, more often that not, it's evil that prevails and good that is vanquished.
Still, we can dream. In the privacy of our own brains, we can be Brad Pitt (or Angelina Jolie), battling to right some unspeakable wrong, like the Electoral Finance Bill.
In our own cerebral cinema, we would stride purposefully into the debating chamber just as the vote is about to be taken. The politicians, secretly ashamed of what they're doing because they know their draconian bill merely proves how insecure they are, would immediately fall silent and listen to us.
And because we're clever, we would cite their reasons for opposing the bill instead of ours, because we know that nothing impresses politicians so much as their own ideas.
"Annette," we would say to the Minister of Justice, "you claim this legislation was triggered 'by the activities of some unknown, unnamed people' like the Exclusive Brethren."
"Yes," she would reply.
"But Annette," we would continue, "in Parliament this Wednesday you said, 'New Zealanders were outraged at that behaviour'. Outraged, Annette. That's what you said. Outraged. So there's no need for a ban. Our outrage is censure enough. Just let these 'unnamed people' run their silly campaigns and reap the harvest of our outrage on election day."
And Annette would know she'd been trumped by herself! Then we would turn to the Greens leader, Jeanette Fitzsimons.
"Jeanette," we would say, "apparently you believe 'that the rules around who can spend what and who can say what during election campaigns should be determined largely by the people of New Zealand'. That's precisely what Metiria Turei said on Tuesday. She said 'a citizen's assembly ... would be a much more democratic way to make electoral law' didn't she?"
And Jeanette would agree.
"Then be true to your word," we would say. "Annette King agrees there's 'a lot of merit in the proposal'. So don't vote for the bill. Not yet, anyway. You say you want the people to decide. You say that's 'much more democratic'. Then prove you mean it. The bill's had a major rewrite. You can't send it to a citizens assembly but you can send it back to a select committee, can't you Jeanette?"
And, tearfully, she would nod.
Then we would turn to Doug Woolerton from New Zealand First and say, "Doug, was it you who said 'the important thing to ensure in electoral law is that the voice of the New Zealand public is heard at election time, not just the voice of well-funded lobby groups'?"
And Doug would mutter, "Yes ... "
We would show Doug a newspaper advert from the Independent Motor Vehicle Dealers Association including the words Introducing Labour's crazy car policy and ask, "Do you remember what Annette King said when asked if 'these types of advertisements should be classed as election advertisements' if they are published next year?
"What she said was, 'I will not decide whether that advertisement is covered but I will give some advice to the used-car salesmen: I would have the advertisement checked out if I were going to run it in an election year.' That was the minister's advice, Doug.
"So it's official. Anyone saying anything political next year should get it checked. You know what this means, Doug. It means everyone - lobby groups like Grey Power and individual citizens - is being advised by a minister to get legal advice before they publish anything in 2008.
"And Doug," we would say sadly, "that'll make it even harder for you to hear 'the voice of the New Zealand public'. Especially those who can't afford a lawyer." Crestfallen, Doug and Jeanette would exchange meaningful glances as we concluded our address.
"People," we would say, "It's up to you now. You've shut us up but you shouldn't shut yourselves up too. You have a duty to the history. And the ghosts on the walls. But most of all you have a duty to yourselves. Don't make liars of yourselves. Prove that your word is your bond. Give us the same rights you've given yourselves. And trust us. We know a bad idea when we hear it - however often it's repeated. Don't be scared of us or of our ideas. You're giving them a power they don't possess."
"You say 'our electoral system has never been for sale' but you've sold it to yourselves. You've voted millions of dollars of our money to pay for your campaigns while gagging everyone else.
"But be brave. Be daring. Take your foot off our throats and trust our judgment. Because we'll punish you if you don't. Politicians so quick to regulate others but so self-indulgent with themselves will not survive ... "
Then we would turn and walk slowly out of the Chamber. And from somewhere there would come a single clap. Then more. And more. Then cheers and cries of acclaim.
And we would smile, satisfied we'd carried the day. And then we would wake up.
