Graham Reid's campaign: Leaders debate a revealing train wreck of a discussion

This week's Leaders Debate at the Cleveland Rotary Hall proved the most volatile and revealing of the election campaign so far.

Unhindered by having to pander to the short concentration span of a television audience and hosts who couldn't control sheep in a dip, party leaders spoke frankly and typically resorted to personal abuse when rivals asked penetrating questions. It was honest, bottom-feeding survivalist politics and ugly to watch.

Helen Clark declined to attend, saying "one is too busy running one's country and one's election campaign to appear at a public meeting".

Betsy Jakobs of CGII (Citizens Genuinely Interested in Issues) which organised the shouting match between party leaders translated the message saying, "I think she couldn't be bothered. She wanted to watch Six Feet Under or something."

Helen Clark was represented instead by an impersonator who, under heavy questioning on GM, did an excellent impression of Oscar the Grouch and a Mafia hitman, but not quite as scary as the real thing. National's Bill English offered a surprisingly articulate critique of the Labour-Alliance coalition which won huge applause, until someone noticed it wasn't English at all but that guy from United Future who always offers kindly platitudes and speaks in a quiet, reasoned manner.

A straw poll at the end showed he, Peter Dunne apparently, had impressed the audience which would gladly have him round to dinner - but wouldn't trust him as far as they could toss him in any coalition.

The real Bill English - introduced twice before most people recognised him - said this Government had let working people down, and added something about teachers and health and some other things. As with Richard Prebble he spoke at great, if faltering, length and managed to avoid the soundbite syndrome, which meant no one remembered anything either of them said.

The meeting became lively when Winston Peters arrived. With vocal support from a group of skinheads and the recently formed Tauranga chapter of the Ku Klux Klan, Peters railed against "Asians, Indians, Pakistanis, those Arab-type people with tea towels on their heads, and any other gatecrashing, queue jumping so-called immigrant coming here to drive expensive Jap imports on Auckland's already clogged motorways and import that tabouli stuff which no self-respecting Kiwi would ever eat".

But the cheers turned to jeers when he said his party's immigration policy was "not a race issue" ("Yes it is, yes it is," chanted the skinheads). The mood turned ugly when he announced his Asian ancestry, at which point KKK members blocked his retreat with their wheelchairs and chanted "Go home Winston, Go home Winston" before breaking into Tauranga Uber Alles.

When order was restored by Maori wardens (met with "Go home Maori" by skinheads and KKK alike) Rodney Hide and Laila Harre whined on about some stuff and just seemed pretty desperate, actually. Jim Anderton said he was preparing for a position of responsibility after the election (which many took to mean he was quitting politics to become a social studies teacher at Wigram High) and Rod Donald said he was keeping an open mind about GM, which drew the biggest laugh of the night.

At the end of the meeting Jakobs of CGII thanked the participants and Michelle Boag for her contribution to National's meteoric plummet in the polls, then announced the winner of the CGII's "best performance in the 2002 political debate".

It went to Kim Hill, "not for anything she said but for that pen-twirling thing she did. As a political gesture it was emblematic of the frustration so many of us feel having to listen to these self-serving twerps. Thank God normal transmission will be resumed soon. So this weekend, for our own sanity, we should remember to vote wisely and vote often. And be vindictive."

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