Gordon McLauchlan: Now for an invasion of God-botherers

Hallelujah! Two divisions of God-botherers are advancing on Baghdad and may cause more death and disaster than an armoured division which makes it quite clear the Americans do regard their mission in Iraq as another of the Crusades.

According to the Guardian, the charge is being led by Franklin Graham, son of Billy, who has referred to Islam as a "wicked, violent" religion in the usual vituperative and insolent manner of your fundamentalist Christian.

The Southern Baptists - pro-Israel and the biggest component of the pro-war Christian Right - are also moving in. Both groups are taking in food and water - and openly declare they are there to evangelise.

Can you imagine a war-torn country of confused and battered Muslims having a host of Westerners offering handouts and bleating that Jesus is the way, the truth and the light. Insensitive, insulting, grotesquely self-righteous are a few of the terms I can think of for this behaviour.

Some mad Muslim for whom this is the last straw may run amok and shoot some of them; then oleaginous creeps like Franklin Graham will nod their heads and say, "Ain't that awful. Don't it just go to show how lacking they are in the love Jesus has put in our hearts."

Some American Muslims are quite rightly very concerned. "Humanitarian relief is just a cover," said one. "Their basic motivation is conversion." Some missionaries working in the Middle East worry what affect this may have on the 600,000 Iraqi Christians who seem to have escaped serious oppression so far.

George W. Bush has done nothing in the past few weeks to suggest he will grow to fill the great office he inhabits. The signs are not good. His speeches have been flat, simplistic and repetitious: Saddam is a bad man and we're gonna get him.

Can he rise now to greatness during the rehabilitation of Iraq? Giving American evangelists the imprimatur of protection they will need in an alien culture during the aftermath of the war is not a good start.

Problems confronting the US Administration now include finding weapons of mass destruction that Saddam could effectively have used against the West (the prime stated reason for the war), ensuring that the Iraqi oil industry remains firmly in the hands of the Iraqi people, and that the country doesn't become a playground for commercial adventurers.

Another is what to do with deposed Iraqi leaders. The US-based Human Rights Watch has called US plans for Iraq war crimes tribunals composed of Iraqi jurists selected by the US "a mistake".

Imagine the international cringe if a US-appointed tribunal of Iraqis (perhaps wanting to settle old scores) tries alleged criminals on charges from which all American citizens are internationally immune.

Which brings me to Tony Blair. A few months ago I was at a social function in the US at which a functionary of the British Labour Party was challenged to explain why Blair was so much in step with Bush when few other statesmen in the world walked uncritically beside him. The one argument she clung to was that Blair would help to modify the American Administration's foreign policy, soften it, and persuade Bush to move only through United Nations.

Well, he failed there. Let's see how he gets on with persuading the Americans to put a truly international face on those who will preside over the reconstruction. So far, so bad.

The man in the wings to take over the administration is retired American general Jay Garner, former president of a company called SYColeman, a defence contractor that helped Israel to develop its missile defence system.

The Jewish Institute for National Security Affairs paid to take Garner to Israel for briefings and then he signed a statement blaming Yasser Arafat's Palestinian Authority for orchestrating the violence that led to the latest Israel-Palestine war.

Difficult nowadays to resist the cynicism that so corrodes morality.

ON THE subject of religion, the inside story of the telephone sex calls made from the Christian Heritage Party goes like this. The leader, Graham Capill, found a note with a number on it beside the phone. Being curious as well as godly, he dialled: "This is the sex line," said a mellifluous voice.

"Oh really, "said Graham. "I didn't know of such a thing."

"Well, you must be the only person in New Zealand who doesn't, darling. Where did you get the number?"

"I found it by the phone here and thought it must have been a message from Merepeka for me to ring."

"Oh, merry peckers, eh? You have the right number then, you lucky little bloke."

"How many sects do you represent on this line?" asked Graham.

"Whatever makes your socks smoke, daddy."

"How many sects are there altogether?"

"Sects?"

"Isn't this the sects line."

"Sex, daddy, sex."

"Oh, how disgusting. What about your immortal soul?"

"Kinky."

"My dear young woman, I can lead you away from sin."

And so Graham pursued this woman of easy virtue in a long conversation to make her a woman of hard virtue. It was tough going but no one would question his dedication to helping people. Later, $1500 worth later, he gave up.


Herald Feature: Iraq war