Garth George: Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof - this year, too

As usual I haven't made any New Year's resolutions. Resolving to be a better person is a mug's game at any time.

There are those who don't make resolutions because they're afraid they won't keep them and that might dent their self-esteem. That's not my reason.

I've never had much self-esteem anyway and what little I do have from time to time seems, like happiness, to be far too unreliable and transient to be worth much.

What I do have, though, is the gift of being comfortable in my own skin - I look in the mirror each morning with wry amusement - but even that has been under threat for the past six months or so.

I gave up smoking in the middle of June and as the New Year gets under way I am still wondering how long it will be, if ever, before life is worth living again.

The decision was made on purely financial grounds. When I retire on the state pension I will not be able to afford to smoke. So I thought I'd get it out of the way a few years in advance.

The Government's Quitline was most helpful with subsidised nicotine patches, advice and encouragement, both written and oral, and I'm grateful for that. But so far the only benefit has been the $11 a day I have saved, something over $2000 to date.

After smoking all day and every day for 47 years the shock to my system has been traumatic, to say the least.

I have put on so much weight that I reckon obesity has become more dangerous for me than smoking ever was. And all the food I eat tastes different: coffee is coffier, sugar more sugary, butter more buttery, salt is saltier, meat is meatier - and I don't know whether this sharpening of the taste buds is any improvement. I liked tastes the way they were.

I am still sometimes struck with a craving for a cigarette so profound and so long-lasting that I am all but reduced to the screaming heebie-jeebies.

The highlight of my day is to walk through the smoking area in the Herald building on the way to my desk every morning and breathe deeply of the second-hand smoke that eddies across my path.

However, with help I don't doubt from the One who has all power, I've managed thus far to abstain, although if I win Lotto next Saturday night you can be sure I'll be smoking on Sunday morning.

But back to New Year. I reminded myself that I should be loving to my wife; kind to the sick, the elderly and children; turn up for work when required and on time; be patient with my bosses; and always be ready to speak words of praise and encouragement.

These are all things that can only be done one day at a time, and since life can only be lived one day at a time and my philosophy is to live it one day at a time, I resist the inclination to make any sort of resolutions, annual or otherwise.

Twenty-four hours is about as much of life as I can cope with. Fretting over yesterday's mistakes merely leads to a guilt trip; fizzing over what might happen tomorrow brings on anxiety attacks. And in the meantime I'm missing out on the now time, which is all there is.

It was St Paul who said, " ... I have learned in whatever state I am to be content". That's only possible if I live one day at a time. Yesterday's mistakes are irretrievable; I might never get to see tomorrow. So if I go to bed at the end of the day having achieved what was required of that day, I go to sleep content. And if there are things left undone, well they just didn't fit into today.

All this is not to say that there's no room for making plans. Plans can be changed or dumped. For instance, my wife and I plan to spend two weeks in February thoroughly investigating Napier and Gisborne and their surrounding areas which, being far enough away from Auckland and on the right coast, are possible places to which we might retire.

But if something transpires between now and then that makes that impossible, then we'll just put our plans off until some other time - no regrets, no resentment.

So, as I look forward to this New Year - a path upon which the footprints are yet to imprinted - I remind myself of the comfort and freedom from anxiety that comes with living one day at a time.

In the loo I keep a copy of an old Sanskrit proverb. It says:

Look to this day,

For it is life,

The very life of life.

In its brief course lies all

The realities and verities of existence,

The bliss of growth,

The splendour of action,

The glory of power -

For yesterday is but a dream

And tomorrow is only a vision.

But today, well lived,

Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness

And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day.

That just about says it all. Have a contented and fulfilling New Year.

* garth_george@nzherald.co.nz