Eric Thompson: Leave the dud monikers on the shelf

The Dino 246 was named after Enzo Ferrari's son, Alfredino. Photo / Supplied

What's in a name, you might think? Well, quite a lot. And for the dumb, or the plain stupid, it's a means to hang an albatross around a child's neck for the rest of their life.

It is quite funny, though, if you're the one with a normal name and you read about some poor bugger who's been named after an object or a place.

A recent one is a baby who's been named after the car it was born in - a Kia.

In the scheme of things, it's not too far up the stupid scale but it could have been. Imagine if the parents drove a Fiesta or an Escort, or a Charade or 3 Series.

If you think that's a little odd, you could always name your offspring after you've been shopping in the fruit and veg section like celebrities - Peaches, Apple or Petal. What next? Lychee and Star of Anise?

Mind you, the Christians aren't much better. How about Faith, Hope, Charity, Chastity (God help her) or Prudence and Temperance?

Or, you could go down the route the Beckhams took and name your child after the town you had sex in - Brooklyn - and a second-rate place at that, which was named after a Dutch town called Breukelen.

Mind you, we are talking about a vacuous ex-girl band member and a pretty-boy soccer player.

At least Enzo Ferrari had the right idea to name a car after his son (Alfredino) - and so the Dino 246 Ferrari was born. Listed here are a few car names that should have been left on the shelf.

* Daihatsu Town Cube - About the only name that actually describes the car. A box on four wheels you could mistake for a filing cabinet.

* Volkswagen Golf - A gear stick that looked like a golf ball but was big enough to put golf clubs in.

* Volkswagen Rabbit - Only the Germans could market a car in the United States named after a fluffy bunny.

Chrysler Neon - The car that glows in the dark or an electric car for petrolheads.

* Mitsubishi Mirage - You're sitting in something that doesn't really exist after a hard day in the desert.

* Suzuki Esteem - For those who want to drive a car that makes you look like you have low esteem.

* Daihatsu Charade - A game that should never have been, and how do you mime a car with your hands, anyway?

* Mitsubishi Aspire - Personally, I'd aspire to have a Bentley Continental R or a Maserati.

* Ford Escort - I doubt too many escorts would be seen in an Escort.

* Datsun Cherry - The vehicle to loose something in the back of, maybe.

* Subaru Justy - Could never work out just what it was.

* Isuzu Forward - Who needs a reverse gear when you're in a 4x4 and can drive over things?

* Kia Mentor - Not sure I want a life coach that's a car - and does it teach you how to drive?

* Daihatsu Applause - Can't imagine a standing ovation from pedestrians as you drive past.

* Daihatsu Rugger- Can't wait to see the All Blacks driving a fleet of these.

* Hyundai Accent - Does the car's engine have an accent like it's manufacturers when running overseas?

* Honda Jazz - Doesn't sound like a band and no way would a band fit in it.

* Honda Joy - Well, I suppose it beats walking or cycling places, especially in the wet.

* Mazda Bongo - See Honda Jazz.

* Isuzu Big Horn - Has been fitted with an extra big and loud horn at the factory for scaring small children and old ladies as you drop Tristan and Georgina off at school.

Here are a few more names from around the globe that defy explanation: Volugrafo Bimbo; Isuzu GIGA 20 Light Dump and Mysterious Utility; Daihatsu Naked; Honda Life Dunk; Mitsubishi Delica; Suzuki Cappucino; Toyota Deliboy; Volkswagen Thing and Rinspeed X-Dream.