Dialogue:'Stranger danger' stalks cyberspace chatrooms

By LINDA PORTER*

Remember the days when the most likely place to meet the man or woman of your dreams was a noisy disco or a crowded bar, and anyone resorting to computer dating was perceived to be desperate?

How times have changed. Millions now use home computers as major communication devices, and even matchmaking tools. There are some undeniable benefits to this but there are also some inherent dangers.

A very powerful television advertisement screening at the moment focuses on this, and an increasingly alarming trend.

It depicts a teenage boy happily sitting at his computer (upon which he's running a commonly available "chat" program) typing messages to "Debbie." They're discussing school, pop music, what's for dinner and the exciting prospect of meeting for the first time tomorrow.

It all seems to be very charming and innocent until you see that the person behind "Debbie's" keyboard is not a young girl, but a faceless, chain-smoking man.

Sexual predators are becoming prolific users of the internet.

They're giving a frightening new meaning to the term "stranger danger" in the 21st century. This is rapidly becoming a major problem in countries such as the United States, and it's probably also happening here.

One of the traps facing young users of chat programs is that it all seems so innocuous to begin with. Before long many kids are unwittingly giving out their names, addresses and even telephone numbers to virtual strangers. Their parents are totally unaware of what they're doing, and who they're involved with.

The computer programs that enable you to chat (keyboard style) are freely available from many internet sources, and can be downloaded, installed and set up within minutes.

On one of the best known of these (mIRC), you have the choice of entering more than 5500 chat-room channels. The number of people interacting in any given channel can range from three to a staggering 750.

Suddenly, there's an instant sub-culture on your monitor, with hundreds of thousands of people whose nicknames have become their faces and personalities. They have intriguing and beguiling ones, such as Infatuation Junkie, Baby Devil, Romeo-in-search, Man-of-Armani, Butterfly Lady and Pale Enchantress.

If you choose a particularly appealing alias, you're liable to find yourself inundated with people seeking one-to-one chats. All they need do is double-click on your on-screen name, and you'll get a message inviting you to join them for a more intimate conversation.

If your own children or young relatives are involved in internet relay chat, do you take an interest in whom they are chatting to? It's easy to forget that while most may be in Britain, the United States and Australia, others might be living just round the corner.

It is also easy to feel that it is all safely anonymous, but it can be relatively simple to find out someone's e-mail address or real name.

While writing this, I went looking for someone's address on the internet. The only information I had was their name, and that they wrote for a living. Within half an hour I had their full address and telephone number in Menlo Park, California.

It stunned me, first because the US is so large and secondly because it was so easy. Imagine how simple it must be to locate someone in New Zealand.

As a former chat-room addict, I'm well aware of the appeal of this form of social interactivity. It can be tremendous fun and very entertaining. When I was hooked, I spent many hours conversing with hundreds of faceless people from all over the world. We discussed the weather, movies, books, hobbies, jobs, our homes, likes and dislikes, our families and pets - anything and everything.

I met some lovely people, but also encountered some real jerks. It is said that many men surf the internet purely for sex (in one form or another) and computer chat is certainly no exception. Research has shown that most women generally go online to communicate and to shop. Shopping is now my obsession.

Dating and Personals sites are another huge development online. There are thousands of them. One site alone boasts 26,821 new members, including 611 New Zealand men and women looking for friends and partners.

If you're looking for someone overseas, there are thousands of American men (including 500 in New York alone who fitted the parameters I set for my sample search) and women using the internet to look for their soulmates.

Two of my favourites were Chuck, a financially secure Wall Street analyst looking for a non-material girl, and Don, an unemployed comic book artist, looking for his "Wonder Woman."

It can be the ideal way to find love and friendship. Appearance doesn't really matter (well, not until you exchange the obligatory pixels) and you can chat and e-mail to your heart's content.

There's no intrusion of personal space, annoying habits, bad breath or smelly feet to contend with - until you meet, at least.

But start to think twice when you realise that all of your friends have @ in their names, or you're not quite sure what sex they are because they have neutral nicknames.

Give it a try. But tread very carefully. Ignorance certainly isn't bliss in cyberspace. Who knows what you might find? The man, woman, friend or (in my case) pair of shoes for which you've been looking.

* Linda Porter is a Hamilton writer.