Dialogue: They don't always have the power

By SANDY BURGHAM

Last Tuesday was the start of that cold snap, so I congratulated myself on self-employment and chose to work from home.

Around midday, smug and ug-booted in the cosy cocoon of my home office, the electrically rechargeable portable phone went dead during an important call.

This would not have concerned me too much had not the heater simultaneously puttered out, along with a desk lamp.

Oh dear, a widespread power cut, I thought calmly as I dialled our friendly power company, the one that allegedly listens, using my recharged cellphone.

But what might have been a quick call to faults became an expensive trawl through various electronic voice options, a long wait in a customer service phone queue and, finally, the revelation that we had been singled out for disconnection.

Yes, it transpired that we, or more exactly he, had neglected to pay our power bill. Thus, to teach us a lesson, it appeared that our electricity retailer waited for the iciest day of the year to remind us of the fact.

We did, indeed, owe a few hundred dollars but our non-payment was an oversight rather than a budget move.

Admittedly we are spasmodic in our approach to bill payments. We use a variety of methods - auto payment, telebanking, cheque and so forth - and have been known to lose track of which bill is addressed to whom and how it should be paid.

However, they all are paid eventually. And, besides, the power bill is in his name and he's been overseas. (I consider it rude to open someone else's mail, even if it does look vaguely threatening.)

But why couldn't they have called us? If someone wants to urgently get in touch, they call the home phone, the mobile, send an e-mail or fax. No one uses snail mail. I would be more receptive to smoke signals.

I am sure the power company will find time to phone us as a customer service check when we move to another power company.

The time and money that goes into extensive envelope stuffers that often accompany the power bill could surely be more effectively invested in ringing us with news we were really interested in. Like when we were being disconnected.

Every smart organisation in the world sucks up to preferred (that is, high-spending) customers. American Express want to marry me, it seems.

It made no difference that our household uses about as much power as a small principality by the time we have dehumidifiers, dryers, computer, washing machine and a variety of heaters in action.

When I revealed our average power spending to a competitive company's telemarketer, there was the stunned silence of someone who had just hit the jackpot.

How foolish was I to have professed loyalty to my existing supplier.

To rub it in, they did not allow me to pay by credit card over the phone, forcing me to drive to the post office.

There, things grew worse when I bumped into a wealthy acquaintance with a sunny disposition.

"Your power has been cut off?" he repeated incredulously with a business-must-be-going-badly look of sympathy on his face. To add to my embarrassment, I had left my credit card at home and he offered to pay while, I'm sure, contemplating taking me for a cup of hot soup.

During the afternoon I made several calls to the power company urging them to hurry and reconnect us. But, enjoying their little power trip, they could guarantee to do so only "some time today." They decided the "but I have a young baby at home" excuse was not a life-threatening situation. Thus I went to the back of the queue.

After the children were exiled to someone else's home, I managed to send a few e-mails using the battery on my computer but when that gave up, it was just the cellphone and me, with the low battery warning beeping frantically.

I was like a lost tramper awaiting rescue - "This is the last call I can make, over."

What is the point in being with the "electricity company which listens" when it merely lends an ear to customers' problems rather than offering workable solutions to loyal customers who have a good record in paying their rather large bills.

I would have derived more joy talking to a statue in Myers Park, an old car or an outboard motor.

The last straw is when they start deferring responsibility to the service contractor, who they themselves have contracted. When even electricity retailers profess to be powerless to do anything about being powerless, there is simply no light at the end of the tunnel.