Dialogue: Spare us the pity: men don't need it

By SANDY BURGHAM

In the run-up to Father's Day I absorbed a few random media items which subsequently found their way to each other within the dark crevices of my brain to create a lightbulb moment.

First, there was the international headline news that octogenarian author Doris Lessing had taken an unusual stance in supporting men by declaring that some blokes were unfairly treated merely on the basis of their sex (sound familiar?).

She seemed to be saying that in the aftershock of feminism men had emerged as downtrodden by many a stroppy feminist. Oh dear.

Then I watched an earnest documentary last week about women, sexual liberation and masturbation, the underlying theme being "Go on, satisfy yourself".

Finally I received a chain e-mail, which carried an excerpt from a 1950s housekeeping book recommending how obedient and subservient women should be, from boudoir to kitchen. It was sent, of course, in hilarity rather than outrage.

Since we live in times which fully embrace sperm banks and sit poised on the brink of human cloning, one could speculate on why men are in the uncomfortable position of facing general redundancy. It's reasonable to guess that at least the new social model of girls-on-top must rankle blokes ever so slightly.

Thus, the pendulum of political correctness is swinging wildly from left to right, overcorrecting itself as it tries to placate both sexes. It seemed that just a minute ago we had to use clumsy terms such as Ms to pander to women, and now we must be mindful of the feelings of men, who have allegedly been hurt by the whole feminist movement.

I hear rumblings from mothers of sons who not only witness girls infiltrating the traditional boys' schools, which had steadfastly remained male bastions for generations, but claim that girls are achieving better academically than boys at school. Mothers often explain how much more advanced their daughters are at a young age compared with their happy-go-lucky, dumb sons.

So is Lessing right? Are males really getting a bad rap? And, most importantly, where does all of this leave the average bloke? Is he crushed and wounded as Lessing suggests?

It seems to me that it leaves him exactly where he's always been - under the bonnet of car, gone fishin', playing video games with the kids or clutching a remote control on the couch.

While Lessing might think she has done a service to men by striking one for the boys, she needn't have bothered. The lives of women might have exploded into a host of opportunity and hope, but those of men don't seem to have retracted automatically in response.

Let's not make the mistake that the feminist movement has forced men to sit down and have a jolly good think about things. Nor should we think that feminism is the sole cause of male displacement. While women run around multitasking and overachieving, men by and large seem to plough on, business as usual.

My last-minute Father's Day fiasco is a case in point. In typical female fashion, I had over-thought the whole thing and had it all mapped out. I would sneakily buy a cordless drill using our talking points.

I say sneaky because I wanted to learn how to use a cordless drill, thus avoiding the inevitable 10-year wait every time I ask him to put up a hook. And since I got it free through talking points, no cash was parted with. Ah, yes, it was a win-win situation all round and he'll be none the wiser. Gosh, I'm clever, I thought.

But my cunning plan backfired and it was he who had the last laugh. When the drill did a no-show, I took it upon myself to stress out, hassle the appropriate people along the communication chain and spend real cash on presents to make up for it.

But unbeknown to me, it had arrived weeks ago, but addressed to us both. Naturally, he opened the box without question. Choice, a drill! he must have thought, not for a moment even venturing to consider who the generous drill benefactor might have been. Of course, he then proceeded to spirit it away to his workshop without bothering to tell me of the mystery occurrence.

This fairly typical "why do women bother?" scenario is succinctly expressed in a telly ad showing blokes lackadaisically hanging around a barbecue occasionally turning a sausage while the women are flying around the kitchen in a flurry of salad-making.

The ad sends a timely message to the concerned Doris Lessing. Indeed, in these post-feminist days, it's still good to be a guy.