Dialogue: Sloppy spin-doctors ruin fun for even most gullible

By SANDY BURGHAM

When sometimes-Kiwi megastar Russell Crowe declared in his Golden Globe acceptance speech last week, "Look, it's just a movie. A piece of entertainment, folks," just for one split second he had everyone worried.

It was brilliant - as if he'd burst a baby's balloon, announced that Santa wasn't real and that there were no fairies at the bottom of the garden.

Luckily for the Hollywood who's who and their enraptured fans worldwide, his softer follow-up comment let them off the hook, allowed them to ignore the reality check and keep living out their elaborate fantasy.

Sometimes it's just easier to pretend. We are quite accepting of living in a world where fiction blends with fantasy, virtuality with reality and tabloids with what could be deemed real news.

Indeed, PR has invaded even the most serious of world events, confusing reality with creative licence, but we choose to let it go. Promotional hype became a permanent fixture in the media age and we lapped it up.

But I sense a change. Sloppy spin-doctoring which fails to take into account a far wiser, sharper and savvier consumer is starting to grate with even the most accepting and gullible of consumers.

My two favourite tabloid instances of past weeks are cases in point. First, the revelation that Prince Harry Pothead had been smoking marijuana, getting drunk, vomiting and generally being smart in front of girls. The headlines should have read, "Harry does nothing exceptional". Indeed, Mother might have been proud since it seemed she wanted her boys to live as normal lives as possible.

But they had us believe that after being scolded by a responsible second-in-line-to-the-throne, Harry was packed off to a rehab house by first-in-line-to-the-throne for a sobering view of hard addicts recovering.

It was a toss-up as to which was more irritating: the fact that this became genuine news or that the royal publicity machine used this as a media opportunity to display Prince Charles' remarkable parenting skills.

I don't know who is pulling the biggest one - Prince Harry to his Dad ("Gee, I have been such a fool, Papa"), Prince Charles with his allegedly cool and calm domestic crisis-management skills ("Hey son, this is an opportunity to learn"), the media in getting us to believe this is news, or the public in pretending we believe it.

It could have easily been a leak orchestrated by royal management to construct an image for the multi-generational royals that might interest the still grieving Di-hard fans and attract a new breed of would-be monarchists to boot.

Pardon my cynicism but anything is possible with this lot. (Remember Prince Charles and the tampon?) Of course the story is so simple it could be true, but I figure there is a far more unnecessarily complicated plot linking to a PR strategy somewhere because no one tells it straight any more.

And then I inexplicably endured an hour of Tom Cruise on Oprah.

I came out as an Oprah-worshipper years ago. Anyone who can cry while reviewing a book deserves to be a pop-culture hero. But this overstepped the taking-itself-too-seriously mark when we were asked to swallow the goodwill-ambassador-on-every-filmset Tom being in a tell-all mood, coincidentally at the same time he had a new movie out.

His co-stars surprised him with pre-recorded compliments, the title of the poorly reviewed movie simultaneously emblazoned on the screen.

Meanwhile, hostess with the mostest Oprah had to continually prompt good-looking, clean-living Tom with some great lines for him to repeat in case we fell asleep and drowned in our own bile. (Okay, so I have ruined my chances of ever romancing one-dimensional Tom but, frankly, compared to him, Prince Harry's a dream date.)

I have always known every chat show has a hidden agenda but unless they do a better job of covering it up, they are simply ruining the fun. In a deeply profound moment Tom opened his heart to talk about the need for a real life. This it seemed was about going to a pizza restaurant with one's film-star partner and not being mobbed. (Give me the Lear jet and the mansion and I'll order in.)

I am all for escapist fantasy and accept that reality TV, be it from Hollywood or Buckingham Palace, brings people fun and joy. But like any sport, to stay ahead you need to continually raise your game.

In other words we know it's just a game but unless they make it as realistic as The Matrix, we don't want to play any more.