Dialogue: Skating about in thespian heaven

I've seen 17 shows so far and I've only been here four days. Wow oh wow oh wow oh wow! I've tried not to be effusive but it really is amazing - the Edinburgh Festival is bigger than huge, it is awe-inspiring in its magnitude and has long been my idea of thespian heaven, a Mecca I've aspired to visit ever since I knew of its existence.

And here I am in Scotland, soaking up the world's best in theatre, comedy, film, dance, music and literature and that's not all. As you can imagine you can spend a lot of money here ... or you can be canny.

Recently I received an e-mail saying, "Get thee to Edinburgh, girl, there's a party going on." How could I say no? An offer of the last available bed in town was too good to pass up - so there's accommodation taken care of.

Next, get a press pass. That'll provide some free tickets but not all, so get to know the heads of department backstage and you'll be admitted to everything that's sold out.

Swindle membership to the Sky Bar in the lavish, chandeliered Assembly Rooms and tell the staff at O'Briens that you're a performer and get discounts on food and coffee.

Skates are also handy since there's often only 10 minutes to get from one end of town to the other - show upon show, heaped back to back - and I want to see it all.

And the weather? Take sunscreen and an umbrella although it hasn't rained on me yet, touch wood, it has been known to precipitate fiercely.

So, first stop: Stephen Berkhoff's new piece, Messiah, is very good - no deviation from his usual bleak style, some great choral work and Jesus, Judas and the devil really cut the mustard. I thought it was strange I wasn't moved by the story of the crucifixion but the longer I thought about it the more I thought that's the point. That's the tragedy - not that it happened, but that people don't care.

Cookin' provided a light lunch but lots of fun as plate-throwing, knife-wielding Koreans created culinary chaos. Imagine Stomp crossed with The Wedding Banquet.

The Flea Circus? Yep, I couldn't believe it either until I saw fleas being delivered backstage. The performers only have our months to live and must be trained young. I asked the ringmaster why she chose fleas as co-workers and she replied, dry as a bone: "Well, I always wanted to work with animals."

Mark Salem's Mind Games shows that this former Sesame Street writer and child psychologist really is the business. Two £1 coins taped to his eyes with five layers of gaffer tape, he knew things only a mind reader could know.

Holding a woman's credit card he told her when she used it last - in Brussels to buy a watch - and guessed the serial number of a banknote in somebody's pocket. Truly spooky.

No. 2, by our very own Toa Fraser, performed by Madeleine Sami, has taken a first prize and it's even better now than when I saw it at home. It has deservedly sold out. If you've seen it you'll know why.

And a bit of Bill Bailey: I'd seen him twice already at home but I love his gentle style, making laughs with physics, music and good clean fun. At the end the audience didn't want to leave.

Vomit and Roses, by the super-sociable Americana Absurdum company, is a grotesque black comedy about a family who live above their funeral parlour. It is sick, depraved and very, very funny. The companion peice, Wolverine Dream, about an aeroplane crash is where I'm headed now. The cast, for such warm people, are as warped as a record album that's been playing in the sun. They won a first, too.

And if it all gets too much, spend time in a park tuning into the free music, concerts and spectacles. Enjoy the cacophony of Shakespeare, bagpipes, string quartets and brass bands all vying for attention with fake fur-clad buskers doing escape routines, blowing whistles and filling the air with the smell of kerosene.

Climb up to Edinburgh Castle, take a free walking tour or just get the hell away from the High St and its half-witted pedestrians - the city's population swells twice in size in August, and it shows.

There's no shortage of things to do and people to meet and, just as I've had to resign myself to not being able to see everything, I also know that I'm not going to meet everyone either. I am, however, going to give it a good try.

* Contact Elisabeth Easther on her travels at imabroad@chickmail.com.