Dialogue: Sixes and sevens when you would rather be 40 than 50

Got a special anniversary coming up? Traps lie in store for the unwary and it is always best to be prepared, writes JILL JAMIESON*.

Bill answered the phone. It was Yvonne.

"Haven't heard from you. Did you get the invitation?"

"What invitation?"

He checked with me. We hadn't had a communication from the Chilcotts recently. The mail must have gone astray.

After conversing with Yvonne, Bill passed on to me what he considered were the relevant details a legendary All Black and well-known cartoonist would be at the party. Plus the date and time.

Much later, under interrogation, he recalled he had also been told that finger food was to be served. That info would have been helpful. It indicated an indoor function.

On the day, I brought out a slinky knit. Eminently suitable for late afternoon, but what if it were a barbecue? For Yvonne had a superb garden and outdoor area.

The only thing to do was to ring and find out.

Pete answered the phone.

"Many happy returns, Pete."

"Thank you very much, Jill. It was really good of you to ring."

"Oh course, I'll be seeing you this afternoon," I said, "but what I want to know is, what form your function is taking ... "

Silence.

"You see I need to know what to wear ... is it a barbecue? Of course, the weather is so bad you'd be taking a risk ... "

After a pause Pete, rather oddly, set off on a discussion of the weather.

"But your party," I interrupted, "I need to know what to wear ... "

"I'll get Yvonne for you."

Yvonne came to the phone, voice taut:

"Did you tell Pete it was a party?"

"Yes ... ?"

"It was a surprise party."

Oh my God, I bet I'm the only person in the world who's blown it.

The surprise party is an odd institution. It's usually sprung on those Big 0 occasions. The basic element of such a surprise is that it should be pleasant.

However, for most people the end of a decade has a certain sadness, a reminder of time's passing. Women, generally, like to keep those special birthdays quiet. When sex appeal equates with youth it doesn't do to parade one's age.

Some people feel so badly about Big 0 birthdays they don't want a party. So, to set out for a private meal, then find a restaurant full of friends making celebratory sounds, should hardly count as pleasurable.

Yet ask around. Most, if they've been the subject of a surprise party, are grateful that others have turned out to support them at this difficult decade-marker.

But not all surprise parties go that well.

No way was Geoff going to have a celebration for his 60th, but he did agree to go to a friend's house for dinner.

For the occasion he wore track pants. Now track pants have their place on the sporting field or in the privacy of one's home. But they're not recommended for social events. They can be an embarrassment. All the bobbly bits show.

Dozens of people arrived to wish Geoff happy birthday. Our man looked shocked, angry and confused. No doubt he wished he could rush home and put on something more suitable.

Then there was Joan. She and Fred celebrated their wedding anniversary on the Saturday, with their children. Next morning her daughter said she would like to go shopping.

A mall is not the place to dress up, so Joan, who is usually smartly turned out, put on a very casual top and skirt. But the car turned right, not left, and ended up at a restaurant where their friends were - all of them appropriately dressed.

Apart from clothes there's another dicey element in the surprise party - the recipient's obligatory speech. If he hasn't had time to prepare, the angst of the occasion may come through: "Forty's the new age for redundancy." "Now I'm 60, it's my dentist getting rich." "We've been to marriage guidance more than once."

Guests want to hear something positive: how advances in technology have created new opportunities for work and leisure; how medical science has made ageing so much more enjoyable - a hint for the anniversary speech, there.

If you've got a Big 0 birthday coming up, or special anniversary, be prepared.

It's best to put on a party yourself to guarantee you won't be caught out. If you don't, make sure you're neatly dressed and/or made up at all times. Get into the habit of counting your blessings so you can recite them, impromptu, if called on.

Come to think of it, even if you haven't got a special mark on the calendar, that's a pretty good way to manage your life.

* Jill Jamieson is a Manurewa writer.