Dialogue: Shameful case of men behaving badly indeed

A British report states that new fathers feel hard done by in the birth process, according to a recent survey of more than 800 dads.

Apparently midwives and doctors are ignoring them, avoiding eye contact and generally not supporting them.

This newsflash will doubtless come as a terrible shock to these men but pregnancy and childbirth isn't about them. Pregnancy and childbirth is about women.

It's time those British blokes just got over themselves. Their whining is a shameful testament to their self-importance. They just have to assume that they're the focus of any transaction - even ones in which their bit-player status is undeniable.

It just goes to show that they're accustomed - addicted, even - to hogging the limelight. When car salesmen, bank managers and real estate agents address a couple, you can bet that the male in the couple gets more than his fair share of the eye contact. Even these days, the female partner in a relationship can still sometimes be treated as the insignificant little wife.

But for the blokes to expect the attention in childbirth and pregnancy, too, is patently ridiculous. Just for once they should be happy to take a backseat and be glad that it's not them huffing and puffing in that delivery suite.

They need to stop and think of the reason that they're being ignored.

These health professionals are focusing on the woman and helping her through what will be potentially the most traumatic experience of her life.

Rather than complaining petulantly, the men should be grateful that the women they love have expert help and care at this crucial time.

That support and eye contact the men feel they're missing out on is being lavished on the people who deserve it - the women about to give birth. And that's how it should be. How can these men even envisage an alternative scenario? In doing so they take selfishness to vertiginous new heights.

But what's equally startling is the very existence of the survey in the first place. Men really must have an inflated sense of their own egos.

They hold a survey on childbirth and it's about how THEY feel? Yeah, right.

I can't recall off-hand a survey of women's opinions concerning the whole birth process. From the moment they conceive, these women are far too preoccupied with being pregnant, enduring labour, lactating and changing nappies to even wonder how they feel about it. But if there was a survey held about their views, the findings might go something like this.

Pregnant women swiftly become fed up with everyone - doctors, nurses, midwives, receptionists - breezily asking them the date of their last menstrual period. It's as if their pregnant state means they're a person second and a baby-machine first.

They're angry to discover that morning sickness is a complete misnomer and understates the misery they endure. They're tired of being fat and cumbersome, and they hate their newly acquired varicose veins and haemorrhoids. They're irritated that they're given the guilts about smoking and drinking and that certain physical activities may have to be curtailed.

They're fearful of the agony of labour and scared they'll be unable to cope. Every horror story they've ever heard about birth comes to life in their heads. They recall that some women say they would have happily shot themselves in labour had a loaded gun been handy - just to escape from the merciless pain.

Pregnant women are petrified at the hideous prospect of an episiotomy, of the unknown elements of epidurals, of the chance of an emergency Caesarean section. But even through their fear they're grateful these options exist if they're required. They're scared, too, of haemorrhaging or infection and any one of several complications that could endanger their lives.

Yet despite all these fears for themselves, ultimately a woman's key concern is simply for the well-being of her baby. She is able to endure much to give it every chance of being healthy and fighting fit.

With all her accumulated and very real concerns you can bet that a woman doesn't lose any sleep over something as trivial as how much eye contact her man is being given. She's got far more important things on her mind - and so should her partner, too, if he's any decent sort of a guy.