Dialogue: Parents know best how to discipline their children

Those who wish to ban the smacking of children ignore the need for social law to reflect real life, says ANDREW DAVIES.

This mundane world of ordinary chores, joys and problems is where imposed social theories are played out. We might have the perfect theory in theory, but if it does not meet daily needs and expectations, it is a failure.

In a Dialogue article, Dr Emma Davies, of the Auckland University of Technology's institute of public policy, would have us believe that giving a disobedient child a smack is brutal, harmful, ineffective and causes violence.

That is the perfect theory from the rarefied atmosphere of academia. My experiences, as both child and parent at the runny nose end of the scale, tell an entirely different story.

For example, as a child I was smacked at home and strapped and caned at school. On each occasion, it was my choice to invite that consequence and, instead of turning me into an axe murderer, it taught me that all my actions have consequences for which I am personally responsible. Personal responsibility is not a concept that interests the politically correct elite.

As parents, my wife and I decided not to smack for a time, opting instead for time-out and denial of privileges. This quickly changed when our daughter asked to be smacked instead.

She realised, quite correctly, that the alternatives (imprisonment, deprivation and rejection) constituted emotional abuse and were far harsher. Social law must reflect real life, not personal agendas or trendy socio-political theories. Neither should it make pariahs out of the responsible majority for the sake of a few.

The Lillybings are more the result of a welfare state that encourages child-farming, a playschool justice system and a sickly political correctness that insists all family arrangements are of equal value. Real child-abusers should be brought to justice but ordinary parents, doing their best in life's grind, should not be stigmatised.

Section 59 of the Crimes Act could be reinterpreted to capture the situations that have lately made the news, but removing the right to use any force would be problematic.

Getting recalcitrant children into car seats, removing knives or pornography, or even instituting time-out can involve using force. A restraining or guiding hand, or even normal parent-child affection, could be curbed for fear of misinterpretation.

Positive behaviour can be taught in many ways, starting with praise and rewards, but just as schools have expulsion and society has imprisonment (both violent practices) as last resorts, parents must also have a bottom line.

There are far more significant issues facing children. Twenty per cent of those conceived are aborted, more and more are raised outside of a stable relationship between their parents, ritalin dependency is epidemic and television, for many the main caregiver, serves up a steady diet of violence and drivel.

The move to ban smacking seems nothing more than a knee-jerk guilt trip for the failure to address real issues.

Sweden has outlawed smacking and is held up as the shining light. Sweden also has a huge problem with very negative population growth. Perhaps child-rearing is now too difficult.

Dr Davies is entitled to express and practise her beliefs, but not to impose them. If she is genuinely concerned about our increasingly violent society, she might wish to consider American surveys showing that the longer a child spends in childcare the more aggressive the teenager.

She could also consider that in days gone by, when corporal training was widely applied in schools and homes, violent crime was almost unheard of.

Today's unsmacked children are increasingly hitting each other, classrooms are more unruly and school suspensions are a social problem. Reality should not be ignored simply because it is inconvenient.

My wife and I, through trial and error, parenting courses and books, worked out how to best organise our family life. Thankfully, we had the freedom to do so and the we-know-best brigade, who regard everybody else as their playthings, could not impose their beliefs on to us. Long may that last.

* Andrew Davies, a farmer, is standing as the Act candidate for Karapiro this year.