Dialogue: Kids' parties have gone over the top

By SANDY BURGHAM

I am back on the party circuit, burning the candle at both ends trying to keep pace with a relentless social whirl. But my unforgiving social schedule has little to do with me - it's our daughter, who is not quite at school yet, who has the active social life. I just tag along.

Each week there's a new set of birthday-party invitations distributed at the preschool, which we parents dutifully collect and process. Then we attend the parties. And these are not simple little affairs. By the time kids are nearing school age, the parties can easily escalate into major productions almost requiring cast, crew and marketing team.

Last week we juggled a 4-year-old's soiree at Planet Hollywood and a fairy party at the swankiest new grotto in town, and also hosted our own daughter's birthday festivities, which have become an annual three-day event.

The most significant birthday treat I remember in my childhood was not a party but when my sister was allowed an ice-cream cake. This year my daughter cut three cakes - one at preschool, one with the family and one with her friends at the party. Ridiculous.

Like many, I am caught in the birthday-party trap, setting such a high benchmark that I am forced to go bigger and better every year. In future years I can see myself hiring a big top and training elephants for the celebration. Or at least attempting Cirque du Soleil as a theme.

It's hard to scale back, since children's birthday parties seem to have a minimum requirement. Because parents can opt for buying a sure-fire winner off the shelf at a fast food restaurant or indoor playground, choosing home as a venue is high risk for a fizzer. So now most home-based parties provide a main attraction, which leads little guests to ask innocently: "So when's the clown arriving?" A magician, bouncy castle, or farmyard with real animals seem commonplace.

I had a goal this year: to get real and have a cute little home-made bash which I'd bring in under $100, despite one of the godparents accusing me of being a bit tight. But I soon realised that any savings in venue hire were offset by the cost of party bags. These act as a sort of backhander to encourage each guest to attend. It's unheard of not to cough up with these. And if you can bring them in for under $3 a unit, you are doing well.

There were savings in the parental-catering cost centre, against which I had allowed $5 for beverages. I figured that parents enjoy grazing among the kids' leftovers anyway. When else do they get to eat comfort food like cheerios and fairy bread?

Of course there are always hidden costs. Even with pass the parcel it's now customary to ensure no child loses out and so we have to put a lollipop or similar under every wrapper. (It's a sign of the times that even pass the parcel is rigged so that everyone's a winner.)

My friend from the depths of heartland New Zealand is aghast at what she considers an Auckland quirk of hosting extravaganzas for little tykes.

The extravagance is evident even at the invitation stage; many of us now prepare the invitation on the computer. I even know of someone who did her son's invitation on CD-Rom. I am told of parties where the whole class is on the invitation list. So it follows that kids' birthday-party planners are emerging, who charge a fee to project-manage the whole affair. That's Auckland for you, folks.

But aside from unadulterated Aucklandness there are other factors which contribute to us overdoing the celebrations. Birthday props and decor accessories are readily available through such stores as The Warehouse. And surely working-parent guilt is also subconsciously spurring us on in some way, too.

Plus it's simply a result of smaller family numbers. Now parental love is intensely channelled into one or two precious offspring. They are given the best Mum and Dad can offer and there is little opportunity to learn lessons in sharing or indeed in missing out.

The last costs are still rolling in from our daughter's bash. Film processing was expensive - I had to take lots of photos because in a year or two the party will be merely a dim memory.